Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord Your God is giving you (Exodus 20:12).

Introduction

Since last month’s blog celebrated a day for moms (here), it is only fitting that this month’s blog will focus on a day for dads (Father’s Day is 6/18 this coming Sunday). In the article last month, I spoke of several things that I learned from my mom, including her work ethic, the many skills she had that she kept to herself, and the love she lavished on me throughout my years of growing up. The same is true of my dad. So what I would like to focus on for this month is Exodus 20:12 that serves as an epigraph for this article.

What Does It Mean to Honor our Parents

My dad took seriously his responsibility to work and be the provider for our family he believed he was supposed to be. I watched him work hard all his life. That in-and-of-itself would have been worth more than I can say, having learned that from him. I must hasten to say, I wish I had learned it more than I did. Had I learned from my dad all the things I should have and taken them seriously, it would have saved me from a lot of nonsense into which I fell in my twenties and thirties. For example, with the exception of a mortgage, my dad always saved the cash to purchase even expensive materials, such as an automobile. He never went into debt.

Paul expounds on Exodus 20:12 in Ephesians 6:2-3. He states that to obey the commandment stated there comes with a promise. It is the first of the Ten Commandments. Paul says that to obey it so that it may go well with you, and that you may have a long life on the earth. Our parents, whether we understand it or not, are the blueprints by which we come to understand how to navigate life. If we will, we can learn from them all that will bring security and safety to our lives. This is something that God has built into our existence.

So what does to honor our parents look like? It means we hold them in esteem. We value them as precious. We look to them to protect, guide, and be our stalwarts through life because God has called them to such a responsibility if they choose to have children. In addition we are to respect and be respectful to them. This is a tall order on our part, which cannot be fulfilled except through God’s common, and for believers, His special grace. My dad was more than exemplary in the responsibilities he took on for the family. If anything he most likely put too much pressure on himself to be the provider he was. 

My Failures In Honoring My Parents

Like I stated earlier, I could, and should, have learned more from my parents than I did. In God’s providential grace, I was blessed with the parents I had beyond my comprehension. We are all rebellious to some extent as teenagers. But my rebellion went further than that as I grew older. In the 1960’s I bought into the nonsense that the older generation was somehow the enemy that my generation wasn’t supposed to follow nor respect. Never mind, that I made it to my teenage years and twenties because of the parents I had and all they had done for me.

What hurts me the most because I think it hurt my dad the most is that I lived in a way that said to him that I didn’t need nor respect all he had done as a provider. The shallowness of my existence in that decade led to the height of my arrogance, pride, and all the folly that goes with pride (read the Book of Proverbs). It hurt my dad immensely, in ways I didn’t understand until later.

I specifically remember one incident when he exploded about the way I looked with long hair and a beard. It wasn’t so much my appearance that was the issue. The factory for which my dad had been working was closed, and all the workers there lost their jobs. This hit deep at the value my dad held as a provider for the family. I was too ignorant and shallow at the time to realize the pain through which he was going by being out of work. For his generation, that was a hard hit, especially for a married man. The way in which I lived at that time was an insult to all he had done for me. 

The Reality of Sin

When I look back on those times that lasted longer than they should have, I’m acutely aware of how I didn’t live out the commandment stated in Exodus 20:12. Indeed, in many ways I blatantly and purposely disobeyed it. My dad bounced back, heartily pursued good work, found it, and lived out his days until retirement with a good job. He and mom retired to a small lake house where they had always wanted to live. I had little to do with helping them, if any at all. So I say to all of you whose parents still live today. Do not forsake them. Honor them, respect them, esteem them. Love them. They are the one parents you’ll have. There will be no other choices available to you. 

One of the last memories I have with my dad involves a time when he was really ill with coronary heart disease. His doctor had put him on about nine different medications. It was late at night just before we turned in for the evening. We sat at a kitchen table and went through all his meds so that he could ask the doctor the reason he had to take each one of them. It was also a time we just sat and talked. Here sat a man who had always been bigger than life to me. He had been the provider he always wanted to be. I don’t think I ever once said thank you. What I realized then, however, was that he was a little old man with a bad heart who, like everyone else, wanted to live just a little longer. I didn’t realize it at the time, but when we said goodnight to one another, that would be the last time I spent with him.

Conclusion

This is not to say Exodus 20:12 is a carte blanche for parents. Scripture calls on them to meet responsibilities toward their children as well. We all know people who emerged from abusive, broken, and unloving homes. But this is why God places so much emphasis on the family. The family is the basis by which we should learn how to navigate life. When family life is undone in a culture, sooner or later the culture is undone. I also believe that goes beyond the immediate family to the extended family. In addition to my parents, growing up I had loving grandparents, aunts, uncles, and older cousins. That was more of a blessing than I ever realized. At that time I was immersed into such a wonderful family life, the memories of which have stayed with me until now.

Last month brought us a time to remember and respect our mothers. This month brings us a time to do the same for our fathers.

Honor your father and mother so that life will be long and go well for you.

John V. Jones, Jr., Ph.D./June 14th, 2023

GENERAL ESSAY/CHRISTIAN THOUGHT