Foundations: Reflections upon the Holidays

Introduction

For as long as I can remember, the holidays have always been a fun-filled time for me. I’m glad during these septuagenarian years that I haven’t changed in that regard. Beginning with Halloween, the celebration is on. Of course, being a Christian, Thanksgiving and Christmas carry more import for me. No doubt my growing up in the family that surrounded me imbued the holidays with special meaning. Solid foundations that a loving and nurturing family can lay form springboard for moving on into life.

Home at Thanksgiving

Last year at this time, I penned a blog regarding my mom and her journey into becoming a professional nurse. I tend to become reflective about family at the beginning of every holiday season. Unfortunately, I believe Thanksgiving gets the short end of the stick when it comes to festivities. Everyone is wild about Halloween, and then the Christmas decorations start emerging in all the retail centers. One hears questions from various people like, what happened to Thanksgiving. Christmas decorations coming out in late October and early November appear to jump over Thanksgiving like a game of checkers. As for Thanksgiving, people can become more excited about Black Friday sales than the holiday with family interactions.

My family always celebrated Thanksgiving with the traditional dinner, joined by relatives and friends. Although there was plenty of turkey over the years, my mom enjoyed baked chicken due to its succulent and moist taste. She learned from my grandmother on my dad’s side how to cook, and she never disappointed. The aromas of food ready for preparation created a mien throughout the house beginning a couple of days before the big Thanksgiving feast. Over the years mom became more and more adamant about preparing holidays meals herself rather than letting other family members take on the task. She loved the big spread that covered a large dining table, and before she would let anyone take a bite, plenty of photographs had to take in the scene to commemorate each year’s feast.

I remember those times being about family, fun, and of course, food. Seeing relatives that otherwise lived miles away made the few days of Thanksgiving special. Cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents filled the times with memories. The Thanksgiving meals remained a Jones tradition for decades. During the time I was in school, Thanksgiving Day always fell on the last Thursday of November rather than the third Thursday as it does now. That meant that my birthday also fell on the Thanksgiving holidays. Ever so often, it would fall on Thanksgiving Day itself. So for me, that made Thanksgiving even more fun.

What made Thanksgiving, as well as the other holidays, truly special was the energy into which mom poured her self into preparing all the food, calling and inviting the relatives, and decorating the house. She truly loved those times and never saw them as something she felt coerced to engage. Was she exhausted when they were over? Absolutely. But she wouldn’t have changed a thing. I will always remember our home as festive during the holidays.

Time Moves On

When I was young, I had a faint sense that the future would entail the passing on of my parents. As I grew older, that sense strengthened into a full-fledged awareness, and eventually became a known reality. As a professional in the work-a-day world of counseling, I know the importance of family. My experience of my family, however, imbues that importance with a reality that counseling theories can never touch.

You see, I’m one of those corny guys who does not hold grudges against either my mom or dad. I didn’t grow up in a home where I regret anything regarding family. Any regrets I have are due to my own actions. I don’t have any repressed hostilities against family authority or something called patriarchy. Did my parents and I have disagreements? You bet we did. We had our disagreements and arguments like any family. The key thing for me, however, even in the midst of times where we vehemently disagreed on things, there was never a question regarding support and love.

As a professional counselor, over the years I’ve worked with people who didn’t grow up in the kind of family I was blessed enough to be a part of. So yes, I know the importance of family first hand. I know the importance of how core beliefs, values, and ways of taking on life emerge from family. I know, as well, that it’s hard to learn those lessons when a nurturing, supportive, and loving family is absent from one’s life. Learning about life is something that cannot be made up in a short time. Even with the supportive family I had, I’ve had to learn about time and heeding lessons. The foundations laid in family experiences will last a lifetime. That’s why those times are immensely important. They shape the way we view, engage and experience the most important relationships we have moving forward.

Time moves on whether we want it to or not. In many ways we become aware of its inexorable press forward when we would like to slow it down, hold it back, or shut it down for at least a little while. But we do not as finite creatures possess the power to stop or alter time. The one thing I would advise people to do, if I can take the position of a septuagenarian here who at least has some worthwhile advice to give, is to grab hold of your family experiences with all you have in you, and learn from them all that you can glean. Make memories. And then make some more. Family can be a foundation on which you can stand for all your life.

Conclusion

Time moves on. My dad died in 1999 of coronary heart disease. He would have been seventy-five years old that September. I watched esophageal cancer take mom when she was seventy-seven in 2007. I miss those days with them everyday that I move on with time. The lessons learned and forgotten are worthy, but the memories of love are forever and never relinquish in strength. Like so many, I was a rebellious teenager, a young adult who grew up in the 1960’s, and a person who changed with adulthood like anyone else who navigates life. Even during those changes, there was a foundation that never wavered. John Bowlby calls it secure base. I called it a home.

As I look back on those times now, I realize something very important. The energy and gusto that mom poured into Thanksgiving meals were not just about the holidays. Those happy times emerged from a solid and loving family that generated the festive times during the holidays, and not the other way around. My family was not what it was because of the holidays. The holidays were what they were because of my family.

I’ll never let go of all that those times meant for me. I’ll never let go of continuously learning what those times mean for my life now as a septuagenarian, who is still moving on in time.

John V. Jones, Jr., Ph.D., LPC-S/November 14, 2018

GENERAL ESSAY

The Good Life: Articulating an Idea

Introduction

Ideas are wonderful phenomena. They can be exciting as well as fun, especially when they bring one to the brink of possibly carving out a creative path for the journey one is traveling. I have been thinking lately about what the notion of the good life actually means. One of the reasons I liked being a professor for so many years is that graduate students can keep teachers tied into any creative sense they might possess. Although I’m retired now, I work with practicum students and postgraduate interns through my private practice. Recently I had a discussion with a practicum student who indicated that she is interested in career counseling, but not from the typical angle in which that genre of counseling is approached. She is more interested in what work or career means to people. What kind of value do people place on the notion of work and career? How does work fit into the way they envision life for themselves? My practicum student’s thoughts strongly resonated with me because I’ve have sought for several years how to talk with clients about work and career along the lines of valuation. Yet my thoughts have continued to float around in kind of a haze that I cannot quite articulate. How would I build a practice around such thoughts? What would my work with clients in this area actually look like? What would the work that clients and I pursue entail? Ideas are wonderful phenomena indeed. They come and they go. Some of them have handles onto which one can grasp. Many of them slip into and out of consciousness and are lost forever in cyberspace or some kind of other space. If ideas are going to fructify in one’s life, then they must move from that vague sense of haziness in the mind to becoming fully articulated. Somehow and in someway, I believe thoughts around work and career in conjunction with personal values can open up life and allow one to glimpse into some possible meaning about the good life.

Values and Career

Values exploration has become somewhat of a hot topic in counseling for several years now. An emphasis on values has always informed spiritual counseling. The resurgence of values exploration has come about especially with the popularity of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Additionally I have never worked with a client where at least in some small way work or career hasn’t surfaced as a concern for the client.

At one time I thought I would enjoy the work of a career counselor. Such work is specifically delineated so as to help people find possible career paths or the type of job at which one would be efficient as well as enjoy. The notion of working with clients to help them find a job is not an idea that really interests me. I am more interested in the way people’s personal values relate to the jobs or career paths they have chosen. I’m particularly interested in the value and meaning that people place on work for themselves. Questions come to mind generated by this fuzzy idea I have of branding a practice. What place does work play in people’s lives? How does a job or career serve a person in terms of the way they desire to approach life? Is a career one’s ultimate goal, or is it a means that serves other ends? Is one’s work one’s passion? Or does work enable a person to pursue more meaningful passions? How does work or career fit into one’s idea about the good life? These questions and more presently form a fuzzy framework for how I envision the future of my work as a counselor. The goal, of course, is to fully articulate that framework, which is now nothing more than a vague idea.

Goat’s Milk

No. I’m not going to present a diatribe on goats’ milk, how it compares and contrasts to cows’ milk, or any other kind of milk. I will however present an anecdotal story that might lead people to think about values and work, and what might make up the good life.

Several years ago – I can neither remember the specific date nor the name of the individual involved – I read an article about a woman who worked in the power world of corporations and pulled off a success that took a lot hutzpah to get to the acme of her career. She gave it all up. And what was her reasoning for giving it up? She wanted to purchase and work a goat farm. At least I think it was a goat farm. It struck me in a way that I’ve not forgotten what that article was all about. From the acme of being a corporate CEO to goats’ milk and goat’s cheese. What was that all about? Simply put, it was about her pursuing and doing the very thing she has always wanted to do. Goats’ milk? Who knows why? What does it matter? She wanted to do it. Like anything else, she had to learn the skills that it took to make a goat farm work. The article was primarily about needing and learning the skills one needs to make a go of whatever kind of dream one is pursuing. One doesn’t simply sit around, and with the wishing all comes true. But the article about this woman’s major transition in life brings up something even more important. For her, a goat farm carried deep meaning for her, and it was her take on the good life.

The Good Life

No. I’m not going to delve into the entire history of ideas whereby countless individuals have addressed how they view the good life. What interests me along these lines is more about how people understand what entails a balanced and meaningful life. Work or career is but one component of a well-balanced life. But in our culture, it is a supercharged and an important component for most people. Work can mean a lot of things to a host of individuals for the simple reason that each person is unique. And each individual has an angle on how he or she wants to tackle life. Along these lines I hope to shape my future private practice as a professional counselor. These are questions about life that truly interest me. As I discussed with my practicum students just the other day, articulating this vision for a private practice is a key that will open up whole ways of rethinking and approaching the work they want to do. On some level such reflections will lead to what professional entrepreneurs call branding. The articulation I seek to unfold within my own mind is much more than merely branding, as important at that is. The avenue I’m seeking to clarify at the moment is about how I think about life in general, and how my thoughts and values will shape the way I hope to develop my practice. As I stated earlier, there are few if any clients I’ve worked with who have not broached the worlds of work and finances somewhere along the line we have worked together. Work and money, like it or not, are always important parts of our lives. And please, that doesn’t mean that all one cares about is the filthy mammon. It doesn’t mean that one is a coarse materialist. What it does mean is that understanding how to navigate the worlds of work, career, and money contributes to a well-lived and fruitful life.

Conclusion

Theoretically, I believe my spiritual beliefs, values exploration, some existential thought, all encased in ACT provide an excellent framework for how I hope to articulate my vision for what I hope my practice to become over the next few years. I’m somewhat excited about moving forward on this vision because it dovetails with some other literature I’m reading in the areas of economics and an anarchist approach to life. The ideas of a well-lived life, living in accordance with my values, and the pursuit of a balanced and fulfilling life require personal liberty in a context where political power is viewed as the enemy of human decency. These ideas fold into what Albert Jay Nock called the humane life that brings about civilization. My spiritual beliefs form the foundation for all these thoughts, and they provide the means by which I make meaning of life. Meaning making is another important component of a life well-lived, or the good life.

 John V. Jones, Jr., Ph.D., LPC-S/August 14th, 2018

GENERAL ESSAY

Psychotherapy, Neuroscience, & Consilience

Introduction

A couple of months back I published a blog article titled, Game Plan, that laid out various areas of interests and research that I want to pursue going forward on this blog. I proffered those areas of thought with the hope that they would become a guiding framework for future discussions and explorations. I believe each area addresses important concerns, not only within the field of counseling, but also in dealing with human nature and the human condition. This month’s blog article concludes five years of monthly blogs since I constructed this website. Next month’s blog will kickoff a sixth year of blogging. Going forward in accordance with my game plan I will inaugurate some detailed pursuits of the major changes occurring in the field of counseling, as well as discussions revolving around the Arts and Sciences – all within a wide framework of mind, meaning, thought/action, finitude/humility, and worldview. Within the next couple of years, I do believe that major changes for our professional field of counseling are heading our way. As I stated in a previous blog, the fields of endeavor that will produce the most impact on the way we see our work will be the those of cognitive science and neuroscience. In 1998 E. O. Wilson wrote Consilience, addressing a confluence of knowledge among the sciences and social sciences, as well as the humanities. These themes have been furthered explored by cognitive scientists, such as Steven Pinker and Daniel Dennett. Are we seeing the inroads of such a confluence when we consider the fields of cognitive science, neuroscience, and counseling?

Unity of Knowledge

The areas of cognitive science and neuroscience will introduce some earth-shattering changes, not only in the way we conceptualize within the profession of counseling, but also in the manner in which we do our work. The new technologies emerging in these fields are introducing information about the brain that we could have never imagined just a decade or so ago. The fields of cognitive science, neuroscience, and neurology will most likely shatter the way we have thought about counseling theories in the history of our field. We will have to take on revolutionary ways of thinking about human nature. For some time now, holistic theories in counseling have been gathering momentum that challenges past thinking about how we work as counselors. These holistic approaches for several years now have criticized the headiness of counseling and have sought to reintroduce the mind-body connection back into our understanding of human nature.

Although the pursuit of understanding the mind-body connection has always fallen in the domains of philosophy and psychology, the fields of cognitive science and neuroscience have open the door to empirical evidence of what occurs in the brain in real time. Technologies that have been developed within these fields provide correlative and palpable snap shots of brain activity while we think, act, and emote. We can actually look into the brains of people who are depressed and compare them to those who are not depressed. We can get a picture of an individual’s brain as its changes overtime as a person experiences therapy, engages exercise routines, makes dietary changes, etc. These technologies provide practitioners of various fields such as counseling with information we couldn’t touch or even get to until recently. We need to heed the warning that if counselors discount and negate these technological innovations, they do so at their peril. Fields evolve. Fields also overlap and interact in ways that are helpful. Shared information among the sciences and other fields is leading to partnerships that can now be made stronger due to the technological advances that not only inform research in the medical sciences, but also inform innovative research methods in the fields of psychology and psychotherapy.

It’s not that the field of counseling has never drawn from what are considered the hard sciences to help better understand human nature. It’s just that now, such interaction with other fields of endeavor are becoming easier. More importantly, such interactions are becoming vital if we want to better serve our clients. I think this is particularly true in clinical contexts where counselors are working with such populations as those who are severely depressed, experiencing crippling anxiety, dealing with past trauma, navigating life disturbing mania, and having to live day-to-day medicated for psychotic disorders. The information and technology from the fields of cognitive science and neuroscience can and will lead to a confluence of understanding and knowledge within the fields of the sciences, social sciences, and humanities. I think we are seeing the flow of knowledge merging like several streams coming together in ways that E. O. Wilson discussed nearly a decade ago in his work Consilience. Such unity of knowledge will bring about some amazing transformations in our understanding of human nature, and the ways that we work with human beings.

The Art and Science of Counseling

Of course such overlapping and integration of many fields of endeavor can also create problems. Turf battles for funding always come to mind. But what are some of the concerns that counselors may have regarding the fields of cognitive science and neuroscience?

Medicalizing the Field of Counseling

For some time within the field of counseling there has existed what is similar to C. P. Snow’s description from several decades ago in 1959 known as The Two Cultures. According to Snow these two cultures divided along the lines of the sciences and humanities, not only in problem solving about the world’s concerns, but also in embracing two completely different worldviews as he saw it. Though Snow has been severely criticized over the years, one can recognize the animosity that has no doubt existed between the two cultures. For example, in what might be called Romantic movements, one can detect an attitude of anti-science and anti-technology. Likewise, many believe that the fields that are deemed the hard sciences have sought to become the new priesthood of the day. Across the history of the field of counseling, this animosity has played out particularly in the debates between the behaviorists, psychoanalysts, and the humanists. The debate usually falls along the lines of who and what defines the framework for the field of psychotherapy. The cognitive behaviorists attacked psychodynamic approaches as being unscientific, promulgating concepts that could be neither observed nor measured. Others in the field shot back that counseling is not a science, but an art in human interaction, communication, and relating. Other debates followed along these lines involving such historical philosophical questions as free will versus determinism. Still others in the field of counseling were uneasy with what they considered an overuse of diagnostic labels and medication, leading to what they called the medicalization of the field of therapy. Hence there began for a number of decades the development of various conceptual camps resulting in what have been called the theories wars.

Yet the challenge stood: How can professional counselors inform public consumers that what they’re buying actually works? To say that this question is unimportant is naïve? To say it can be easily answered offhand is equally naïve. Research protocols began to be developed within each theoretical camp, the main emphasis being to prove the benefits of a particular theoretical conceptualization. Such divisiveness haunted the field in certain ways, especially in academia and the fallout among faculty who held different theoretical positions. It was not unheard of that some individuals were refused academic tenure due to the theoretical position they held.

I truly believe that the consilience E. O. Wilson proffers can quail and put at ease much of this theoretical bickering. For many counselors, however, there is still the fear that the field is becoming medicalized. With the onslaught of cognitive science and neuroscience challenging views of human nature, for some counselors their fear has intensified. A particular concern for many counselors regarding these innovative fields is the notion that they will lead to another form of reductionism. I see no reason for such fears.

Helpful Research Protocols

On a positive note, the debates among the conflicting perspectives in the field led to some worthwhile research. Perhaps in any field of endeavor its development requires such debates, infighting, and bickering in order for the field to evolve. Researchers developed a host of protocols for particular diagnostic groups, such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders, etc. Likewise, other researchers developed ways of possibly measuring the impact of such variables as client strengths when they begin therapy, client engagement of therapy, and the therapeutic relationship. Hence, the two cultures were finding ways to solidify their various interests and conceptualizations.

More importantly, however, the description of what the field of counseling is all about had to be expanded. I personally find it useful to distinguish between clinical concerns for clients versus general concerns that clients bring to counseling. There will always be clients who enter counseling, not because they are experiencing some diagnosis, but because they have general concerns about their direction in life, particular problems they need to solve, and life decisions they need to navigate. Many of these clients simply do not fit diagnostic criteria. They simply need to work some things out, and in doing so, they may find it helpful to talk to a professional counselor.

We have to recognize these two populations within counseling without falling into the hard lines of the two cultures. Not only that, we also have to recognized that the concerns clients face might very well overlap. Those who work through clinical difficulties will still need to possibly address general concerns when they no longer meet particular diagnostic criteria. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) recognizes such distinctions in the way they conceptualize various levels of therapy. Likewise, we need to be aware of the extremes whereby some therapists view medication as a panacea, while other practitioners oppose diagnostics and medication all together. In other words, we need a radical change in the way we view the field of psychotherapy, but a change that reconciles the concerns of the two cultures. The fields of cognitive science and neuroscience have ushered in that need – to the excitement of some and the fear of others. One of the more immediate ways that cognitive science and neuroscience will impact our fields is in the area of theoretical conceptualization. Although this is another blog article for another time, we may be looking at a radical change in terms of how we talk about theory in counseling. The old theoretical textbooks just might have seen their day or will soon enough.

Conclusion: Consilience

We have moved a long way in the field of counseling where we recognize that we possibly dissected the human being in terms of mind and body. For some time now, various approaches have sought to put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Whether people like it or not, there appears to be a confluence in the streams of knowledge that help us understand human nature and the human condition. Moreover such consilience can lead to a proper and civil working relationship among scientists, social scientists, and the humanities. Obviously, there will always be disagreements, even sharp disagreements regarding our conceptualizations and understanding of the human predicament. Why should we expect these different perspectives and worldviews not to lead to some sharp and intense debates? Such debates further the growth of the field.

I strongly believe that counseling professionals should welcome the influences from the findings of cognitive science and neuroscience. We should also be aware that when we adapt such knowledge for our practice as counselors that we are rightly and accurately utilizing the knowledge from these scientific endeavors. Avoiding misinterpreted and misapplied pop neuroscience is as important as avoiding reckless pop psychology.

We are in an age where what E. O. Wilson designated as Consilience is coming to fruition. Hopefully the animosity produced by the existence of the two cultures will abate. It behooves all of those who have existed in the two cultures to find ways to make peace, while at the same time rightly adapting to new, innovative, and cutting edge knowledge and technology so as to enhance how we work. There exists no need for counselors to fear that cognitive science and neuroscience will put an end to the need of how they serve their clients. That need will always remain, but it will also evolve. If counselors, however, choose not to embrace new knowledge and technologies that can benefit their understanding of human nature, then it might be that it’s the counselors themselves who will put an end to their field.

John V. Jones, Jr., Ph.D., LPC-S/July 14th, 2018

GENERAL ESSAY

Bucket Lists?

Introduction

I suppose that having entered the Septuagenarian club, the idea to create a bucket list is something logically that would occur to me. Note the question mark in the title of this blog article. I’m not questioning whether or not people should make bucket lists, or whether having one is a good thing or not. I just wonder what they mean, why people feel the need to make them, and what difference they may or may not make in a person’s life. Creating a bucket list appears to speak to and resonate with many people on some level. No doubt setting goals to accomplish before the final tick of the clock sounds addresses the existential question about living life out to its fullest. In addition to those questions, obviously I have indeed pondered the big question of what I would put on my bucket list. (Is that really such a big question; perhaps to me it is J.) Like many journeys, however, the highway that bucket lists take us on appear to be more about the meaning in the journey, rather than merely checking an item off as done.

What Do Bucket Lists Mean?

Legitimately, to answer that question, I would have to ask as many people as I could who have taken the time to formulate a bucket list, and then proceeded to make them come true. Just given human complexity, I’m sure that the nuances of meaning are spread across people in ways that I would find out something interesting to ponder regardless of to whom and how many people I might interview.

Obviously the one big meaning revolves around the notion of finitude. There are things I want to get done before falling into the proverbial hole and covered with dirt. Perhaps my bucket list would contain things that I want to accomplish that would make my life feel more complete and meaningful before exiting the stage. Is that part of everyone’s bucket list, or is it just something that I think about? I pose that question because another component of my bucket list would entail having some fun, especially at this stage of my life. Simply put, there are some experiences I want to undergo. Are they deep, purposeful, and meaningful? I’m not really sure, but I know I would most definitely enjoy having some fun doing things that I’ve always thought about, but have yet to do.

On a personal level, my bucket list will contain experiences that I simply always wanted to engage, but have yet taken the time to do so. The three major themes that emerge for me are traveling, skill building, and encountering the unknown. About twenty-five years ago I decided to drive from Austin, Texas to Durango, Colorado simply to experience one thing I had always heard about, but had never done, though I had visited that state several times. I wanted to take the train ride from Durango up to an old mining town in the mountains called Silverton. The trip up to Silverton and back down to Durango crosses over some amazingly breath-taking mountain passes I had only heard about. Once I had experienced them, they became etched in my mind like a deep engraving carved deep into some medium. I can envision those mountain passes still to this day. And it’s an experience I want to have again.

The Unknown

Part of the fun of a bucket list is the unknown. I had no idea what I would experience on that train ride from Durango to Silverton. As importantly, I had no idea what other things I would encounter on my drive up to Durango. Driving Highway 84 from Texas through New Mexico on into Colorado provided some vistas I’ve never forgotten. I still drive over to Santa Fe now and then, and the two-lane stretch of Highway 84 north out of Fort Sumner into the capital still captures my soul. It never gets old. Seeing the Rockies when entering Colorado and following the path on Highway 160 up through Pagosa Springs into Durango is a mesmerizing drive to say the least. The same overwhelming experience of nature flooded over me again when I flew into Missoula, Montana, rented a car, and drove up to Kalispell and Glacier National Park. The first time my eyes set gazing on Flathead Lake was an encounter that will be forever cast on my neurons. A similar experience occurred when I drove out of Boston out to Cape Cod. So I long for those unknown discoveries that are cached in any bucket list event I might want to check off. It’s not the checking off that matters, but it’s all that goes into getting something done that I never figured on when I first made the plans to do something. I’m not sure about everyone else, but aren’t those unknown discoveries we make, and the unplanned experiences we encounter the stuff that life is made of? Like so many things in life, a bucket list may be about the journey rather than checking something off.

Traveling

Obviously the theme above entails traveling, and such excursions appear to make up many individuals’ bucket lists. More journeys are definitely on my bucket list. One such trip is to Scotland at the end of this summer. I’ve already experienced Italy and Sicily. There are a couple of road trips here in the North America that I have my eyes set on that I believe will open up some new vistas and unknown experiences. The first, and one I’ve thought about sometime, is the Transcontinental Train Ride across Canada. It’s a fifteen-day tour that takes one from Ontario to Vancouver, and that’s through the Canadian Rockies. The second is a road trip from Austin through New Mexico, and into Arizona up to Flagstaff and the Grand Canyon. Along the way is the Petrified Forest. And then yes, there’s Winslow Arizona where I plan to stand on a corner, hoping to see a beautiful woman in a black pick-up Ford. (Just kidding about the last part. Or perhaps not J.) Many times life includes plans, experiences, and stepping into the unknown that makes living all that much more full. Such experiences can be planned only to a certain degree. Those experiences we don’t expect are the ones that knock our shorts off. And that’s all worth the effort.

Skill Development

As much as specific experiences like traveling, my bucket list entails some skill building I want to accomplish. After working a career for over thirty years, involving forty plus hours per week, there are some other talents I would like to develop. No doubt I will reach only the amateur level regarding these skills, but they entail some talents that I think I would enjoy adding to my repertoire. Some people want to learn to fly-fish, sail a boat, skydive, or obtain their pilot licenses. My list contains at least three things that will take some time to develop: nature photography, writing, and picking up another language. My writing is already being developed, but I want to take it to another level. Nature photography is going to require some classes and a lot of practice, which Austin, Texas can provide, as well as neighboring New Mexico. Learning a language is a skill-set that I’m in the process of working out. Skill development is personal development, and all kinds of experiences can lead to such development. And living is development if the effort is made. Likewise, these developmental goals will no doubt take me into some interesting unknown areas of life.

Conclusion

So what are bucket lists all about? Checking things off? I don’t think so. Reckoning with our finitude? I don’t believe that’s the case either, though it may play a part. Like anything we’ve pursued in life, bucket lists are about our living and carving out the kind of lives we hope to live. So if someone asks, why have a bucket list? The best answer is why not? From my perspective, there’s a spiritual element to pursuing yet to be done and unknown experiences. Life affords us experiences, planned or unknown. We are afforded opportunities we can either embrace or shun. Though our travels and journeys into creating a more fulfilling life can to some extent be planned, it is those unknowns that come by stepping out on that plan that can really shape our experiences of the world and others. God’s creation is something to explore, as fully as one desires to do so. And it’s the unknown experiences that we come to know that many times appear to stick with us.

 John V. Jones, Jr., Ph.D., LPC-S/June 14th, 2018

GENERAL ESSAY

Game Plan

Introduction

Having recently entered the Septuagenarian crowd, I have begun to contemplate, (after all, that’s the name of this website), about how this blog is going to keep me occupied going forward for the next uncertain number of years. To be honest, I’ve been more concerned about the direction I want to take the various topics I hope to write about here. Soon, this blog is coming upon its fifth birthday. Simultaneously I want to broaden its coverage, yet also take it to some deeper levels. In thinking about how that can be done, I have concluded that Hanna Arendt has it right when she addresses the human condition. That’s always something worth contemplating. More to the point, I really want to explore some areas that I think will be both interesting and fun for me to pursue, whether or not they’re related to counseling in any way. This also means that the direction in which I’ll take this blog will shape some things I look forward to reading over the next several years. I have formulated my interests along these lines: mindmeaning-makingthought/actionhumility/finitude, and worldview. In one way or another, I have touched on these themes or topics over the nearly five years I’ve maintained this blog. My thinking now is to give some thought to these areas with a more concerted effort. This month’s blog gives a little teaser for each theme, laying some groundwork for what is to come.

Mind

Because I’ve worked as a counselor and professor of counseling for a number of years, obviously various conceptualizations of the mind interest me. I’m not sure that we’ll ever nail the coffin shut on what all contributes to human nature and exactly what mind is. Such a vast territory to explore, however, is exactly what makes this question a fun undertaking. So what is mind? Some exciting work is taking place now in the fields of cognitive science and neuroscience; in neither of which do I come close to being an expert. But no doubt over the next several years, we will watch these fields explode and expand our understanding of human nature. Over the centuries the mind has proven to be a magnet drawing the surmising efforts of philosophers, scientists, and other researchers and writers to entertain how they might explain it. Although the newest kids on the block are cognitive scientists and neuroscientists, for my purposes, I will draw on historical as well as contemporary approaches to the understanding of the mind.

Meaning-Making

From the time I read Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, I’ve been interested in the notion that human beings are meaning-making creatures. From a counselor’s perspective I’ve seen how people struggle with the lack of meaning and purpose in their lives. The day-to-day struggle of seeking to make meaning of our particular lot in life is one of the truly existential battles that we encounter. How and why we make meaning in our circumstances are interesting questions. What is human fulfillment? What tells individuals that they are living life in such a fulfilling way that gives them meaning and purpose. As Os Guinness puts it, individuals have a calling that is somehow unique to them alone. How do we go about coming to grips with what our individual callings are all about? Was I called in some sense to be a counselor? A professor? An educator? Are there many paths we can take that would lead to a fulfilling life, or do we as individuals have one set path we should find and follow? And then, addressing the work that Frankl did, following his internment in Nazi concentration camps, how do we make meaning of the difficult struggles, pains, and heartaches we face in life? Although we will not find a necessarily assuaging answer in all situations, we appear to be creatures that ask why we experience the things we do. This has been called the why-ness of being human.

Thought/Action

I think if you ask people what is one of the toughest battles they face in carving out a day-to-day fulfilling life, many times they will say it boils down to how they assess the way in which their actions align with their beliefs and values. We say we believe something, and then supposedly our actions follow suit. Many times, however, we note how our actions appear willy-nilly in terms of what we claim to believe. What do my actions out there in life say about what I truly believe? Such assessments challenge us to explore what we believe and value. To align our actions with our beliefs can bring a sense of fulfillment that we are living life on the terms we have set out for ourselves. Philosophers and theologians have explored this notion for millennia. The quest to understand how we align our beliefs and actions so as to live out what we claim to believe and value is a quest worth much reflection.

Humility/Finitude

Though many philosophers have stated this, I first remember the statement impacting me through my readings of Karl Popper. In his autobiography, he stated that what we don’t know is infinitely greater than what we do know. So going forward with these thematic interests, one of the things I hope happens is to simply raise more questions. There are good reasons that these themes have been explored and written about for thousands of years. Add to this the reality that whatever we’re pursuing, we have a finite amount of time to get it done. From my Christian perspective our finitude is ever before us, and humility is something to embrace due to our need of grace. The excitement around pursuing these themes and topics revolves around the notion that we are treading where angels fear to tread in areas that have been explored, discussed, and waxed eloquently over for millennia. We may want to pound the final spike in the railroad tie called answers, but these themes represent a journey that has been and will be ongoing for finite and humble minds.

Worldview

The Christian writer, James Sire, authored a work more than three decades ago that has impacted me since my first reading of it – The Universe Next Door. The book explored how the world and our lives in it are understood from a variety of perspectives spreading from East to West, perspectives that we call worldviews. What is a worldview? How is a worldview shaped? Are we totally so enclosed by our culture that culture totally defines the worldview we each of us will hold? Can we legitimately alter, change, and even revolutionize our worldview? Much has been written about worldviews to which I will not come close to adding, but it is an area that I think fits beneath the overarching theme of mind. How do we construct our worldviews, and how do various experiences lead to our changing them, anywhere from tweaking them to radically altering them? A personal journey worth taking is to become aware of our personal worldview. Only then, can we begin to consciously critique how we perceive and act in the world.

Conclusion

Obviously, the areas of mind, meaning-making, thought/action, humility/finitude, and worldview overlap and intersect in countless ways. No one would proffer, as far as I know, that these areas are totally separate and discreet modes of explaining existence. My starting point, for now, is that I understand mind as an overarching umbrella, beneath which the other four areas are filed for exploration. In one way or another they all speak to an understanding of the mind of the human being. Also, in one way or another, these areas address the human condition. As a Christian, I will bring my own worldview to bear on these future discussions. I have set out on this task, not to necessarily revolutionize any thought in these areas. I don’t believe I possess enough gray matter for such a task. But I set out on this journey to have fun, fun, fun, as the Beach Boys once sang. They are entertaining and interesting areas to explore and discuss. Hence, over the next few months on this blog, what I have set out here will be my game plan. It will most likely change. So get over it. (Just kidding.) I’m sure I’ll exit the game at times and come back to it later. But these ideas give some old codger like myself something to think about and knock around given that the autumn and winter of my life hangs in the air.

John V. Jones, Jr., Ph.D., LPC-S/May 14th, 2018

GENERAL ESSAY

Bringing in the Sheaves

Introduction

When people reflect upon accomplishing goals, living in a way that’s fruitful, and creating a meaningful life, what often comes up regarding such pursuits is the notion of developing habits that in the long run help individuals achieve such milestones in their journeys. James Sire’s book, Habits of Mind, addresses the kind of habits required to pursue what he recognizes for himself as a calling to the intellectual life as a Christian. He describes what he designates as the intellectual virtues and the intellectual disciplines.

What I want to discuss in this blog article is more of a general and wider frame of reference regarding how people might think about and then pursue their paths toward what they hope to be a well-lived life. What I’ve recognized in working with clients over the years, as well as in myself, is the human tendency to want to expend the least amount of effort as possible to obtain what one hopes to achieve. Though that’s not all a bad thing – such a mindset has led to the development of technologies that allow us to accomplish more in less time – this inherent tendency can also lead to some bad habits. In talking with people about the notion of moving from A to B, what I see is that they want to be at B without having to do the nitty-gritty work it takes to cross that nether land between A and B. They simply want to be there – now. Whether it is educational institutions, businesses of all sizes, or sports training, one critical comment that appears to be a common denominator from those who head up these institutions is that people deplore delayed gratification. The old adage, you reap what you sow, is still an uncomfortable reflection for many of us. Indeed, it can be a scary proposition for more than a few people out there. Sowing well leads to wisdom, but it’s done through consistency and in time. Unfortunately, most definitions one reads about wisdom appear to equate it with learning, knowledge, and erudition. But I believe the Biblical books of the Psalms, Proverbs, and Ecclesiastes get it right when they speak of wisdom being the application of learning and knowledge to the living of life in ways that lead to fulfillment.

So what are some general habits of the mind we can develop that will help us sow for the kind of harvest we hope to bring home?

Honing Your Craft

My mom worked as a nurse for over thirty years. She wanted to be the best nurse she could possibly become. That attitude led her to work in the emergency rooms of hospitals for most of her career. She said working in such a setting made her not only stay on top of her knowledge and skills, but it also showed her she needed to constantly hone her skills. Are you an accountant? Do you write code? Are you a chef? Do you own and run a business? Anyone knows that these types of work call for constantly staying on top of your skills, whether it requires dealing with accounting law, keeping up to snuff with computer programming languages, or knowing the market for a particular business. In fact honing one’s skills is requirement for a good work ethic for any type of work. Musicians, painters, writers, and other types of artists know this all too well. And it is true for any work we pursue, even that job that might be a stepping stone to somewhere else. Learn to do it well and right.

Malcolm Gladwell in his book, Outliers, proffers the 10K rule. Gladwell believes one must pour ten thousand hours into developing a skill to achieve what he calls  greatness. Both Gladwell and Cal New Port, who authored So Good They Can’t Ignore You, emphasized that developing skills is not merely putting in the time, but it’s also about how one puts in the time. Practice and practicing well is the key. And good practice requires feedback mechanisms to let you know how well you’re doing at something and whether or not you’re getting better at it. Whether one is going after greatness, or just simply trying to be good at what one pursues, the idea of constantly developing one’s skills and efficiency will serve a person throughout life. Whatever you are doing, whether it’s in the pursuit of a particular career, or whether it’s that first gig you land, learning and continually developing the skills it takes to do what you do is a key to fulfilling work, be it a career or hobby. It’s a simple mindset that if something is to be done, do it well. This habit of mind will put you in good stead throughout your life.

A Stitch In Time

The notion of being slow at something is not necessarily one that’s high on people’s list. Slowness brings about images of someone who can’t manage things. We’re into speed these days, quickness and getting somewhere first. I’m not anti-competition at all, and there is nothing wrong with getting to a mark before others. The notion, however, of slow but steady progress doesn’t describe lethargy; it describes patience, consistency, and sticktoitiveness. This takes us back to the notion of delayed gratification. There is no doubt that we want to get places in a hurry, and that includes reaching our goals. But skills and good work do not develop overnight. Sometime back, I decided I wanted to pick up on my study of Koine Greek, the common ancient Greek in which the Bible was written, as well as other ancient letters and treatises. I got so far and then I quit. Recently I’ve picked it back up again. But the first time I decided to revisit this study was late 2007 or early 2008. That was ten years ago. I don’t even like to think about how well I might be doing in this language if I had stayed consistent with it. Moreover, the first time I began my study in Greek was over thirty-five years ago. I for sure don’t want to think about what I might be doing with the language had I remained consistent at it all these years. If I truly wanted to develop the skill, such passage of time is called a waste. And there’s no reason to shy away from that assessment because I do wish I had been more consistent with my study.

A patient hand speaks not only to consistency, but also to the idea of delayed gratification. Think about moving from A to B again. B looks great, a wonderful place to be standing, and a place that requires a magnificent set of skills. But there’s no leaping over the ground that lies between A and B. A lot of people want to be at B, but they don’t want to walk the ground between A and B, the nitty-gritty, nasty work called taking your time to develop and build your knowledge, skills, and wisdom. When you think of the notion that individuals want to be viewed and known as really good at what they do, but they don’t want to take the time to make it so, then you can readily see that we’re getting into some immature thinking here. I’ve been there; I’ve done it. Many good things in life come about only in time. It’s a hard lesson to learn many times, but learning it creates a habit of mind that will keep you working steady and consistent toward whatever it is you might want to achieve.

He Who Hesitates . . .

Curiosity may have killed the cat; but hesitation lost the rat.

Starting on your journey toward a fulfilling life requires some amount of planning. Good planning is wise. It can save you that stitch in time. But another phenomenon I recognize in working with people over the years is what I call the freeze zone. People looking to take risks naturally want to know if the risks they take are going to pay off in some way. There are two types of action (or inaction), however, whereby people become stuck in the starting gate with the possibility of never starting their journey.

First, people can plan, but then they plan, and they plan, and again they plan some more. One is reminded of the old adage about getting all your ducks in a row before stepping out onto a venture. Though planning and getting things in order are definitely good and wise things to do, there’s a point where one has to say – it’s time to step out. There’s no way to line up every duck, no way to know every contingency, and no way to perfectly predict how everything is going to pan out. This may sound the exact opposite of the need for patience I discussed above, but it’s not. Patience comes once you’re on your journey. But you have to begin the journey. Yes, planning takes time also. It can especially be time well spent. But in taking on a life journey, no one can own the picture frame that portrays and spells out the beginning from the end. The over planner who spends an inordinate amount of time lining up all his ducks is simply evidencing a fear and aversion to risks.

Second, and closely tied to the first, I’ve witnessed the tendency of individuals to pull on others for a guarantee. Someone tell me (promise me, guarantee me) that everything is going to work out all right. The pull can be very strong, especially if it’s a good friend or a family member. Without said guarantee, some people will simply not step out and take the risk. It’s a fool’s play if you offer people any inkling of guarantee. First of all, you don’t know any more than they do how things will turn out. And secondly, if you’ve comforted someone with any level of a guarantee, guess who is going to get the blame if things fold? Encourage them, yes. But don’t offer a guarantee. The best one can do is plan wisely, do the research, get feedback on how realistic the venture is, act accordingly, and step out there. Plan, but don’t hesitate too long.

There’s a difference between stepping out after wise planning and simply throwing caution to the wind without an idea of a plan. One skill to hone for certain in pursuing a fulfilling life is wise planning. But the starting gun has to fire. And don’t call on others to promise you what they can’t possibly offer. It’s a habit of mind that will allow you to get out of the starting gates with some solid direction, which is much better than no direction at all.

Conclusion

There are many other habits of mind that one can develop in pursuing a life of fulfillment. Reading and reflecting on Sire’s intellectual virtues and intellectual disciplines is a good starting point.

Embracing your own freedom of choice and responsibility is another habit of mind to get into. In so doing, when things get tough, and there are some down times and sink holes, you’ll be less likely to play the blame game.

A tendency we have as human beings is to deceive ourselves. Self-deception can be a deadly trap into which to fall. First, self-deception is somewhat out of our awareness at times. On one level we know we’re not being honest with ourselves, but on another level, we’re suppressing the fact that there are things we need to know and do, but we’re not doing them, and we’re not obtaining the necessary knowledge we need for a smoother ride. Pursuing a fulfilling life is not an easy ride in the first place, so there’s no reason to make it rougher than it is.

Feedback from others is a good way to combat self-deception. But not just any feedback will do. Get it from people whom you trust, people you know who will be honest with you, and people who are skilled in those areas where you want to be skilled.

The challenging but truthful adage is always before us. If you want to bring in the sheaves of a well-planted and ripe harvest, you must embrace the truth that you reap what you sow.

John V. Jones, Jr., Ph.D., LPC-S/April 14th, 2018

GENERAL ESSAY

The Power of Words

Words, words, between the lines of age

Neal Young

Introduction

Words are powerful things. They can build, heal, or destroy a relationship. They can cure a hurting soul, or they can sicken someone bringing them as low as they might possibly reach. They can bind, they can separate, they can strengthen, or they can cut one to the quick so that it feels one’s soul is letting out blood. As powerful as words are, as creative as human beings can be with them, what they do not do is create reality itself. That is not to say that their power in any way should be diminished or discounted. Indeed, their power allows us to get in touch with the reality of living that we must confront every day of our lives. They reflect and accent one’s love for another. They do not create that love, but they sure can celebrate it in beautiful ways. They accent and disclose one’s hatred, but words flow from hate; they do not create it. Love, hatred, personal and interpersonal pain and ecstasy are what humans show and do. The power of words used in beautiful and passionate ways, especially by those who are skilled at using them, reflect the multitude of human experiences we undergo. It’s always a magnificent experience to read those who can use them so majestically. In fact, from my own belief system, I strongly believe that the power with which human beings utilize words emerges for the Imago Dei stamped on human and natural existence. Therein, lies their power whose source is the Word.

Words and Thought

I enjoy reading poetry. I neither claim nor desire to be a critic, so I’m not sure what an expert in reading poetry is all about. I simply know that there are those poets and poems that I stumble across and find interesting, enjoyable, and thought provoking. For me such discoveries are quite by accident. Have you ever come across some words that the way they’re put together strike a chord in you that just makes you think about things? You find yourself pondering those words again and again, particularly how they speak to your experience of things, what they may describe, or what emotions they bring up in you. I want to talk about that experience in this blog. There will be a couple of passages from some poems I’ve been reading that I will discuss authored by a poet I came across whom I enjoy and spend time reading, both his poetry and his essays on writing poetry. But more to the point, I want to talk about the experience of the ways that words can impact us, sending us off on journeys in the mind that we may not have travelled if we hadn’t come across some specific writings.

Words are powerful things that can carry joy, humor, pain, and a host of other experiences. They can also paint a picture and carve a trail of thought that we use to trace out the meaning of things. I’m sure that some poetic passages lead us to think about things that the author never intended. Perhaps the author simply intended to make us think about whatever. Nonetheless, I enjoy the experience of coming across a passage, or even a line of a writing, that sticks with me and carries me on a journey within my own thoughts. Having been a therapist for the last twenty or so years, I think poetry can grant us some insights into human struggle and existence. I know that sounds odd in these days of empirically validated treatments and insurance panels, but a lot of the fight that clients are carrying on when they enter therapy are the ones that make up what Hannah Arendt called the human condition. Whether or not they need medication or some other sophisticated treatment, the struggles that make up life are there to be faced. I think artists in general, and writers and poets in particular, have ways of giving us a peek into human experience through words they use that reflect on this reality we call living.

William Stafford (1914-1993)

William Stafford is one of my favorite poets whom I’ve come across since I’ve become interested in reading poetry in recent years. Again, I’m neither a critic nor an expert on poetry. All I can say is that when I first read Traveling Through the Dark I was hooked and have since picked up several of Stafford’s compilations of poems along with a couple of his collections of essays where he talks about writing and working with students who want to become poets. He was Native American, and in World War II, he took the position of a conscientious objector. For those who like credentials, he was Oregon’s Poet Laureate in 1975. I’m not going to get into an explication of any particular poem as though I’m doing a class assignment. I’m simply going to offer a couple of lines from two of his poems that have struck me in a way that led me to reflect on things. I’ll ask you, if you so wish, to reflect on them for yourself as well.

In a poem titled, Reporting Back, Stafford ends the poem with a couplet:

Is there a way to walk that living has obscured?/(Our feet are trying to remember some path we are walking toward.) Both lines are meaningful to me, but it’s this last line in particular that he put in parentheses that I want to talk about.

In a poem titled, Vocation, Stafford describes a scene (real or not, who knows?) where he is standing between his parents and hearing his dad give this charge to him that makes up the last line of the poem:

Your job is to find what the world is trying to be.” I find these lines from these two poems to be powerful ones, particularly relating to such questions as: why am I here? Has life given me something specific to carry out? Or what is my personal calling?

Of course, a few lines from Stafford’s writings don’t do him justice, so before getting into my discussion, I want to say that I would strongly encourage anyone who likes poetry to delve into reading his works, both poetry and prose to see what you think. A few words about his life will shed some light on Stafford, the man.

As a conscientious objector, Stafford, for all practical purposes, was sentenced to working in Civilian Public Service camps, consisting of forestry an soil conservation in the states of Arkansas, California, and Illinois. For this work he earned a wage of $2.50 per month. His career as a poet began late, relatively speaking, at the age of forty-six. His first publication of poetry, Traveling Through the Dark, came out in 1963, for which he won the National Book Award for Poetry. He cites William Wordsworth, Thomas Hardy, Walt Whitman, and Emily Dickinson as major influences on his style. His work has been compared to Robert Frost. In 1975, Stafford was named Poet Laureate of Oregon. For a number of years he taught poetry and creative writing at Lewis and Clark College. He retired his teaching position there in 1990. Robert Bly was a close friend and collaborated with Stafford on some writing projects. In 1992 Stafford won The Western States Book Award for lifetime achievement in poetry. Stafford’s style is conversational, his poems typically short, and he focuses much of the time on the earthy details of a specific setting. Working in the public service camps, he developed the habit of getting up early in the morning, writing poems before the beginning of the workday. He felt he needed the solitude for writing in those early morning hours before the sun rose. He continued this work habit for the rest of his life. In one interview, he described his life as a writer in the following manner:

I keep following this sort of hidden river of my life, you know. Whatever the topic or impulse which comes, I follow it along trustingly. And I don’t have any sense of its coming to a kind of crescendo, or of its petering out either. It is just going steadily along.

Reporting Back

At different levels and with various intensities, we all set goals for our lives. We seek to establish some values by which we live out our lives. Some of us may think harder than others about the achievements we hope to accomplish. Whatever those goals, hopes, and aspirations we possess may entail, life has a way of throwing obstacles in our way. If those barriers to where we’re trying to head become too large and difficult, we can lose sight of our original goals and hopes for our lives. No doubt, life’s vagaries can help us clarify things and hone our thoughts in how we’re going about life. Other times, we can completely lose our vision while we’re tracking all that it takes to merely navigate the circumstances that surround us. We suddenly realize that we’ve been trudging through the world with blinders on. In a sudden clarifying moment, we may ask the question: how did I get off track? Simply through living, the way we wanted to walk – shape our lives – has become obscured. Something in our mind and body tells us that the way I’m going now is not the way I intended to go. We find ourselves standing before the universe trying to remember the path we hoped to carve out for ourselves. I think it’s interesting that Stafford says, .  .  . trying to remember some path we are walking toward. It’s not necessarily just some specific goal we’re shooting for, but a path we feel we’re supposed to be on. Perhaps a path indicates some journey we hope to take; it’s the way we want to live. While our journey will entail goals, accomplishments, and achievements, a path moreover entails a way of living, that is how we want to live. Stafford may be speaking to the values we hold, as much as the goals we accomplish. He was a witness for this idea in the way he lived, choosing public service labor for four years at $2.50 per month rather than serving in the war. His relatively late age at becoming a published poet indicates that Stafford found that way to walk and the path toward which he was walking. Some have reported that Stafford wrote some twenty-thousand poems, of which only about three-thousand were published. He maintained a diary into which he wrote daily, penning thousands of poems. Whether we are a writer, some other kind of artist, or whether we’re pursuing some other kind of work, I believe the path mentioned in the poem is less about our specific vocation, and more about how we go about living out our calling. I also believe that the question that Stafford poses in this poem is not one that we ask ourselves only once. It may be a question that is indeed a daily recollection as to where we’re heading and how we’re getting there. In the midst of any accomplishments I may achieve, any goals I may obtain, or any aspirations to which I aspire to reach, the resounding question is – Am I living how I want to live? It’s a constant daily struggle of awareness to keep in mind – to remember – that path we are walking toward. For Stafford it was a hidden river that he followed along trustingly. It carried him to the writing of thousands of poems, of which only a small percentage he sought to publish.

Vocation

What is the world trying to be? Stafford sought out that question through various ways, not the least of which included his writing. There’s a take on life that holds that each of us as individuals have a specific calling we must find and embrace if we are to discover what the world is about. Others view the notion of calling in more general terms whereby one’s calling can be filled out in numerous ways. In this latter view, one’s calling is more about how one wants to live his or her life. I see these lines taken from the two poems cited as having similar takes on life. First, trying to comprehend what the world is trying to be is a difficult enough task, even when one is aware of what he is trying to do. But what we call the world has a way of knocking us about. We can become consumed by worldly things in a way that obscures how we truly want to live our lives. We can get caught up in the countless rat races that life and human interaction afford us. The world can do things to us that we weren’t expecting. Then it becomes our task to work through what happened to us. In doing so, we develop the ability to stand back from the world and observe it, even while we are still caught up in it. This ability to observe and develop our awareness allows us to question what events and circumstances are all about. People across the world are engaged in some kind of struggle to understand, to comprehend, and simply to stay alive. There’s a reality out there (not a popular notion these days) which we all must confront. There are ways in navigating that reality that are better than others if we want to live genuine and fruitful lives – another unpopular notion. We can take on the task of trying to find out what the world is trying to be or not. We can take on that challenge through our own personal calling and in our individual ways. Of course, we can move through life not giving a damn one way or the other. That’s a way of walking as well. But does lack of awareness have consequences? I believe it does. Does avoiding rather than taking on what life throws at us have consequences? I believe it does. In a postmodern age where rhetoric trumps reason, we are beginning to see those consequences. I believe the calling to be aware of how one wants to live is one of the most important challenges that face us. What is the world trying to be? How are people choosing to live? And what are the consequences of those choices?

Conclusion

Is the discussion that I offered here on Stafford’s writing what he had in mind for these two poems? I have no earthly idea. Stafford appeared to experience the consequences of living in alignment with his views as a conscientious objector. He also appears to be one who followed out that hidden river of his life. On the last day of his life, Willian Stafford rose early as he had developed the habit of doing in the Public Service camps, and wrote his last poem titled, Are You Mr. William Stafford? Some people call the poem prophetic. One of the lines in the poem has Stafford’s mother speaking where she says, You don’t have to prove anything. Just be ready for what God sends. There are a lot of good things that can be said about William Stafford if one chooses to know them through reading him and reading about him. One thing can be said for sure. Stafford was called to be a writer. And he lived out that calling to the end.

John V. Jones, Jr., Ph.D., LPC-S/March 14th, 2018

GENERAL ESSAY

Looking Back

Introduction

I work to get this blog ready for publication for the fourteenth of each month. Presently I have a blog going that I’ve been working on for the past few days involving my reaction and response to some poetry I’ve read by William Stafford. But today, I’ve decided to let that blog wait until the March publication. As I thought about completing the blog I was working on, I decided to write about something else because today, 02/13, is my mom’s birthday. Had she not died in 2007, today she would be eighty-eight years old. So what I’m going to write here today for tomorrow’s publication is somewhat off the cuff. It may be a little rough-edged for a monthly blog. So be it.

Remembering Parents

Today (02/13) is my mom’s birthday. If she were still alive, she would be celebrating eighty-eight years of living. As it is, she died eleven years ago at the age of seventy-seven. She contracted esophageal cancer, most likely due to over fifty years of smoking. In the end, she blamed no one. Indeed she said that having smoked so many years she couldn’t think of a puff she didn’t enjoy. Though I wish she hadn’t taken up that habit, seventy-seven years is still a fairly long life that she lived full until the last year or so when she became ill.

This notion of her not blaming anybody for her illness and taking responsibility for her own actions says much about both my parents. They were hard working people who labored, scraped and saved, and were financially responsible. And they thoroughly enjoyed life. I can’t think of having two more fun-loving parents and all the things we did as I was growing up. And that was on a laborer’s salary for the most part. When I think about them, I recall what the Book of Ecclesiastes says about how one should enjoy the fruit of his labor that is worked for in an honest manner. This describes my parents to a jot and tittle.

The lessons regarding life that I could have garnered from them are endless. I’m fortunate and blessed that there are enough waves of wisdom that they possessed so that some of them could wash over my stumble-bumbling way of living. At the same time I know that there are many of those waves that I didn’t catch, missing much more than I should have. Work hard, save your money, don’t be wasteful, and don’t blame others for the problems you bring on yourself. Those charges are full of enough wisdom to flow over the brim of just about any size cup.

Mom’s Passion

My mom once told me that from the earliest age she can remember she had the passion to become a nurse. She also described to me the times in which she grew up, having experienced the Depression at a young age and then W.W. II as a teenager and young adolescent. People tended to grow up fast during those times. My mom was first wed to a guy who was killed in the war. She was 16. She married my dad right after the War when he returned home from the navy. She was 17. Interestingly, she spoke of the times surrounding the War, and how nurses were looked upon by the culture. Her mom and dad told her that proper women did not become nurses; it was not a field for respectable women. I had never heard this growing up at anytime in my experience regarding anything pertaining to the various medical fields, so I really don’t know how widespread this sentiment existed. But it was the message that mom got for sure. I always thought the study, training, and skill that goes into any kind of medical training captured the respect of anyone. I would like to read up on this some more to see how widespread this sentiment was regarding the field of nursing.

In 1960, when mom was thirty years old, she decided to pull the trigger and pursue her LVN. I was twelve years old. In her late forties during the seventies, she returned to school and obtained her RN. She never grew tired of the work. She experienced the field and its growth from the time when nurses were paid little to the point when the field became financially attractive to many. Nurses also garnered more power in the places where they worked. She was adroitly skilled in the field she passionately pursued. In fact, she sought out working in the most difficult and challenging areas of the hospital, which for most of her career meant the emergency room. She told me that it was fast paced, challenging, transforming a ten-hour shift work into minutes and seconds. More importantly for her, she knew the ER meant having to stay on top of one’s skills. No one could slide by in the ER. She worked in that setting until the day she retired. She is one who truly lived out her passion and pursued the kind of work she wanted to engage. She worked as an ER nurse for over thirty years.

Seizing Opportunities

For those who grew up in the Depression, to have the opportunity to go after one’s love for particular work was indeed a blessing that was an experience that no doubt appeared far off and unreal while living through those years. The postwar era brought about open doors that people had not dreamed of during the Depression. My dad always loved tinkering with things. Though he never went to college, he was a whiz at math through trigonometry and calculus. Having served in the Navy, he utilized the G.I. Bill to train as a machinist, taking advantage of the oil-boom years in East Texas. He worked his last twenty years for Schlitz Brewery , claiming he got paid most likely too much, but he loved the twelve-hour shifts and four-day workweeks. Both my parents were pearls of wisdom, providing me with a home that hard and loving parents can pull off.

There was so much I didn’t learn from them that causes me shame. I feel in many ways that I’ve disappointed them by the style of life I’ve lived at times. Having grown up in the 60’s and rebelled against the so-called materialistic world, I’m ashamed of how I reacted against them at times, simply because it seemed to be the thing to do at the moment. Materialism served no part of their thinking. Escaping from dire straits that they had known at times during the Depression, even as young kids, was their ultimate goal. Hence, they were wise with how they handled money. We were simply middle class, not wealthy by any means. They just knew how to handle finances, a lesson I wish I had learned from them, but instead had to learn it through my own stupidity. And like I said, they were people, though good with finances, who were not miserly, but lived life full, enjoying all they had worked for. I miss them everyday. And at times when I think about how I want to pursue the things I still want to accomplish, I realize how much they are still a part of me.

Conclusion

So when their birthdays come around, or the holidays – especially Christmas, which they both thoroughly enjoyed – and anniversaries of other family get-togethers, I remember them more than just fondly. I recall their lives with a deeply felt thankfulness that I can never repay. And I reflect on a way of living they embraced that provides a take on life to which I’m still trying to match up.

John V. Jones, Jr., Ph.D., LPC-S/February 14th, 2018

GENERAL ESSAY

New Year’s Resolutions & Personal Development

Introduction

There’s nothing wrong with New Year’s Resolutions. In fact, they can be kind of fun. If we leave them in the fun column, they can even be quite humorous and playful. We can do three, six, nine, and end of year assessments to see how close we came to actually fulfilling them. The problem is when we turn them into weighty goals, they somewhere along the line begin to pull us underwater. This blog article will emphasize the personal growth development side of the title. I will also speak to the notion of long-term thinking and here-and-now action. But in so emphasizing, I’m not saying the two ideas are necessarily antithetical. In fact, I believe that day-to-day and here-and-now awareness can be both a comfort and a pathway to our long-term goals and personal development.

New Year’s Resolutions

Yes, ’tis the season for New Year’s Resolutions. I like the idea of planning and having goals. I think personal goals are an important component of who we are as human beings. Goals allow us to have some understanding on an individual level of how we want to shape our lives, what things we want to accomplish, and to establish some idea about the different place we want to be at this time next year or whenever. As so many people come to realize, however, resolutions are nothing but promises we make to ourselves that, in-and-of-themselves take us nowhere unless we put some kind of shoe leather on them. Doing something about New Year’s Resolutions is where here-and-now thinking comes into play. I have experienced the pitfall of resolutions myself, as well as having seen them in some of my friends. Typically what we do is set high-level goals without any idea of the steps it takes to get there. And in some cases, we might even come to the realization where we admit, yes it was a cool sounding goal, but quite frankly I really didn’t care about getting there. Moreover, I believe it is a common human experience to want to be at some peak, but not really look into what it takes to reach the acme of desire. And in many cases, we may really admire the goal, but not the nitty-gritty grind of what the goal calls for in its achievement.

I love reading. Several years back I made a New Year’s Resolution to read a ton of books. I even made a long list of many of the books I hoped to read. The list was idealistic to say the least, and if I had figured out how many pages I had to read each day to accomplish my goal for the year, I would’ve caved in right at the start. Though I love reading, that goal was not something I really wanted to do. There were many books on that list that I thought I should read, but in fact didn’t care about reading at all. Then I have to look at my method of reading. I don’t particularly care about planning out most things I read. I like to discover them accidentally, or thumb across some book on my bookcase that I haven’t thought of in a while and think, hey, I want to read this one. In other words, I like to have fun with my reading rather than turning it into a chore. So when I think about my reading goals, I keep those facts in mind now, but I do think about genres. For example, over a period of time I might plan to read some poetry, fiction, and non-fiction as a general plan. And then each day over that period of time, I let whatever strikes my fancy that day hit me, and I proceed. I also don’t have any problem once getting into a book and finishing it. Likewise, I don’t have any problems getting into a book and deciding it’s not as worthwhile as I thought and tossing it aside for another one. What I refuse to do now is to let a reading list become a weighty plan that makes me feel like I didn’t live up to something – and probably something I couldn’t have lived up to in the first place, and didn’t want to live up to in the first place.

Skillful Planning

Fun is one thing and should not be antithetical to personal development. But setting and reaching important goals is not necessarily fun all the time. If one thinks it should be, then some disappointments are lurking in the shadows. I’m the last person to talk to anyone about skillful planning, though it’s a subject in which I’ve become quite interested over the last few years. Unlike my reading, some goals can’t be left willy-nilly based on what strikes my fancy at the moment I get up in the morning. For example, I want to learn a new language. I’m thinking about Spanish because I took it in high school, and I still have some rudiments of knowledge, particularly the pronunciation of words. First, learning a language thoroughly so as to converse with it requires building a skill. Malcolm Gladwell’s 10k rule comes to mind, though I’m not sure I have 10k hours to depend on at this stage of my life. But building a skill requires time. If one wants to believe it doesn’t, if one feels better by believing it doesn’t, quite frankly, such deluded beliefs do not comport with reality, no matter how hard you want to believe differently and feel about it. Likewise conjugations and declensions are not fun all the time. Learning a new language can be a New Year’s Resolution. But what does the resolution mean for one’s actions on a day-to-day level? What does a resolution like learning a new language require for living in the here-and-now? Obviously, there is not single answer to these questions for everyone. The answer depends in much on how serious the goal is for each individual, what time frame each person wants to put on the goal, and how willing each person is to spend time day-in and day-out to accomplish the goal. For some people, like my reading, learning a new language might simply be something fun to piddle with now and then. That is one way of learning something. For other people, it might be a job requirement, a personal growth goal, and something that some people are truly serious about accomplishing. The problem with serious goals, like my long list of reading, is that the goal itself can become weighty, discouraging a person at the outset. Such discouragement is why a focus on here-and-now living is important. As people delve into developing a particular skill, they will learn what pace of learning is the best for them. In other words, they adjust their goals. People can’t adjust their goals unless they get started on them in the first place. There is wisdom in establishing short, concrete steps that one can engage to see how well such steps help one reach a goal. In taking the steps, people can come to realize how they can either slow down or pick up their pace toward their goal. The major thing is not to let a long-term goal disappoint so that no steps are taken at all. On the other hand, at points in time, disappointment and failure serve as important signals about reaching one’s goals. These experiences tell us how well we’re doing and what we need to really work on to develop a skill at the level we’re hoping to develop it. If you want to say, I know Spanish, but you can’t carry on conversation with anyone or read a Spanish text with some skill, I’m not sure what your claim is all about. Getting real with self-assessment is part of skillful planning.  There is something to the comforting nature of knowing today is today, and tomorrow is tomorrow. And I would add, even with serious goals, have fun with them anyway. Who ever said that serious goals shouldn’t be fun and enjoyable? I do believe skillful planning, while projecting something into the future, is pulled off by living in the here-and-now. Accomplishing plans takes action. Action allows for assessment, reassessment, and adjustment. Assessment and adjustment require humility, whether it’s being real about our skill level or not sticking with an over-zealous plan that was unreal in the first place. The personal efficacy of reaching certain goals is a reward in-and-of-itself. And it’s a personal reward, not something done for someone else or for recognition from others. Personal development is for each individual.

Long-Term Goals

For me personally, long-term goals are ones that I know will take me a chunk of time to accomplish. For example, there is a book I want to read by Murray Rothbard, Man, Economy, and State coupled with Power and Market, that totals specifically to 1369 pages. I have no idea how long it will take me to read it, or if I’ll ever get through it. It’s one of those kind of books where some parts of it read easy, and other parts of it read more difficult (for me anyway). I’ll only know how to get through it by starting, and then see where my reading takes me. Like mentioned, I have a goal to learn Spanish on a conversational level. The desire to be conversational in Spanish will require time. I know that there are possibilities of immersion out there, but I have neither the time nor desire to do take a month out of my life to do that right now. Additionally, I have set a goal this year to self-publish some poems I’ve written over the last few years. That goal includes several sub-goals. One, I want to find someone to design the book cover the way I want. I also need to learn some ways to at least on a simple level market the collection. I have no idea how many steps and how much time will be required to complete this process. Searching out people who have accomplished such things is another way to get started on reaching one’s goals. That plan is in the workings for now. Another goal is increasing my part-time counseling practice by a few clients. I already have irons in the fire for doing that. And then I have what I would call a vague goal of doing more writing. the vagueness of that goal will only clarify as I start delving into some things I want to write. I list these goals here because they are personally important to me. They represent personal development I want to accomplish for myself. Will they all get done? I have no way of knowing. But I do know this, if I don’t prioritize them, which is another important skill for accomplishing several goals, and get at my personal method for working on them in the here-and-now, they for sure will not get done.

Conclusion

New Year’s Resolutions do not have to be antithetical to personal growth development. But the notion of personal growth takes more that just wishing something to happen. Personal development requires work, energy, and action. Such a requirement, however, doesn’t mean that it has to be empty of fun and enjoyment. It does, however, require personal assessment if one wants to be real about what skill level one has reached. And when one does reach the goal one set out to accomplish, the efficacy that comes with that achievement is powerful indeed, even if just on a personal level. And the personal level can be, and often is, as important as any recognition that might come along the way. And everything gets kicked off in the here-and-now. So have an efficacious year ahead of you.

 John V. Jones, Jr., Ph.D., LPC-S/January 14th, 2018

GENERAL ESSAY

Meanderings 2017

Introduction

As the year comes to a close, I always like to look back, pose some questions, and offer some reflections that simply allow me to meander rather than create a clean, structured, and poignant essay as I always do 🙂

Age & Transitions

I’ve said more than I want to about retirement on the blog because I have been looking that transition in the face up close now for the past year. Though I’m still on the payroll until May, my professorial duties at St. Edward’s University are now done. Nothing more really to add, other than I’m looking forward to the change, more time to myself, and creating opportunities where I can. I have established many contacts on Facebook who are high school friends, and it’s weird (and rather comical at times) to hear all of us discussing our entrance into the Septuagenarian crowd. One friend said, Just imagine! In ten years we’ll be 80. Hold on, Pal. Let’s take it a day at a time, not a decade in one full sweep. Another friend offered that he is now only fourteen-years-old because he was born on February 29th. Whatever helps you get by.

I now reflect on what being seventy-years old meant to be when I was kid. I can hear myself saying, Wow, that’s old. And now I say, It’s not all that old. Is it? My grandfather died in 1959 at sixty-four-years old. Of course I was only eleven at the time, but I remember his looking old. The reason for that is obvious. He worked the oil fields, roughnecked oil rigs, farmed, and didn’t have that many vacations and holidays. He, in addition to my parents, didn’t want that kind of life for me. As I look back on things, they were more right and loving than I gave them credit for while in my twenties. I have worked several dock jobs while in school and thought I could do this for a long time without any problems. Yeah, right. My dock jobs were summer jobs between school years and did not take place anywhere near the conditions in which my grandfather worked. My dad as well endured some harsh work conditions. When he was a kid, dad had worked those oil rigs with granddad. Then he graduated to being a machinist, working in oil manufacturing plants, fifty to sixty hours per week. He didn’t want that kind of life for me either. It’s not that parents were wrong for wanting their children to have better opportunities. In fact, those who thought that way were indeed very loving. But they may have doted on us Baby Boomers a little too much. And man, did we soak it up.

Speaking of Age & Retirement: Social Security

I watched a short video from Prager University the other day, discussing the concerns with Social Security. Whether or not we want to admit it, concerns do exist. The statistic they mentioned is alarming. When Social Security was initiated, there were over 500 people to every retiree. The average life expectancy at that time was 60. Today the average life expectancy is 79. There are now 2.8 people to every retiree. One cannot help but wonder how long Social Security can hold up. Individuals has best carve out their lives the best they can without depending on government programs. The problem with Social Security is that the money that may go down the drain is money that people worked for.

Christmas

I wrote a blog sometime back on making sure that I want to celebrate Christmas and what it’s all about, separate from the commercialism that has overtaken this time of season across the decades. I love the Christmas season. First, I believe in what it’s about. Second, the time of year is a joyous one for me. I’ve learned to avoid the madding crowd of shoppers, while at the same time finding ways to take from the festivities in ways that I enjoy. Peace, quiet, and reflection is what I hope to accomplish during this time of year. I believe in my need for a Savior because I know of what I’m made. By my actions I remind myself much too often of that fact. So Christmas is a time of year for me to worship, read, reflect, meditate, and find the calm and rest. I’ve let too many Christmases go by without adhering to that call. So I welcome this time of year and what it’s about for those of us who believe in what it’s about.

Work & Productivity

I’m not sure what the future holds for me as I move forward now, giving up professorial duties. I like the sound of that phrase, professorial duties. I know my private practice will be part of that future. But I’m not sure just how much I really want to expand that practice as it sets now. Writing appears to be on my mind. What would be my dream scenario, throwing out all reality checks and delving into the most extreme of wish fulfillment? I would like to get about eight hours of sleep per night, get up at about six o’clock in the morning, have my morning coffee, and prayer and meditation time, and then write the entire day with a break for lunch and dinner, working until about ten o’clock at night. I would use the weekend to buy groceries and run other errands. Yes, that is unreal. Reading, social connections, and exercise time needs to make their way into that schedule, as well as giving the brain a rest. Since I am a Septuagenarian, my brain may need more rest than it thinks. All that I want to do with my writing forms a good blog article in-and-of-itself that I will put down in writing one of these days.

Politics

No Comment. No comment, other than the notion that I would love to see the day when politics are totally unimportant.

Philosophy

Most everyone already thinks that philosophy is unimportant. They prefer politics to philosophy. Oh well, yes there is a hell on earth. Presently I’m getting set to delve into a reading titled, How to Be a Stoic, authored by Massimo Pigliucci. It sounds like a rather self-defeating title to me. How can you read about how to become a stoic and then become one? However I love the subtitle of the book: Using Ancient Philosophy to Live a Modern Life. There are components of stoicism that I like. It meshes well with meditative readings like the Book of Ecclesiastes, the Psalms, and the Book of Proverbs. And modern life with all its divisiveness, lack of reason, and the politicizing of all life needs some help. Or better put, those of us trying to live through modern life without getting scathed by it need some help. So I need to schedule in some reading, studying, and reflecting during that day between six o’clock in the morning and ten o’clock at night. Somebody please help me.

For all practical purposes, I’ve already nixed television from my life. I rarely have the boob tube on anymore. When I do want to relax, I kick back and listen to some Jazz, particularly the Cool Jazz era of Coltrane, Getz, Davis, and others. Uh-oh! Something else to schedule in the day – relaxation time and music. I see now why it’s so hard to take time to write. I keep finding things I need to stuff between the hours of six a.m. and ten p.m. But at least television is fading away into the netherworld of my life. What a gift to sanity that is.

Future Blogs

I’m making no promises. But as I look back over my past blogs, I think I want more of a consistent theme regarding what I write about on this page. Perhaps yearly themes that do not tightly structure what I write, but provide what I write with some kind of substantive framework. Maybe? Who knows? I want to delve somewhat more into neuroscience, but I sure as hell don’t want to write about that topic for an entire year. That tidbit will have to fit into a larger scope. A few more book reviews are in store. And perhaps some short biographies will make their way onto this page. These are all just meandering thoughts right now. After all, that’s the title of this blog.

Since not all of my blogs refer to my work as a counselor, I’ve been thinking about separating this blog from my counseling page. I haven’t come to any conclusions as yet. Past blogs have ventured into several thematic areas, and maybe a cafeteria style of blog is still the best. What hits me at the moment about which I want to write? That’s something I’ll weigh out over the next year. What’s fun about the direction of my blog is that it’s my blog. I can do with it whatever I want. Creativity is a theme that interests me, and as such, I will move forward, continuing to create this blog. Now that’s a good positive thought on which to wind the year down.

Back to Christmas

Peace to you all.

John V. Jones, Jr., Ph.D., LPC-S/December 14th, 2017

GENERAL ESSAY