Introduction

I’m in the process of writing some poetry that within the next month or so I would like to self-publish. I have already self-published a book of short stories, entitled Echoes, an endeavor that I thoroughly enjoyed. Having said that, I’m not close to being a renowned published author who has achieved any popularity whatsoever, and I most likely will never achieve such a status. So what I have to say about the writing life is rather personal, probably somewhat narrow, and not intended to be a statement based on expertise. In fact, quite opposite to all of that hoopla, I hope to encourage anyone who wants to write simply for the pleasure of it to not let the lack of popularity or notoriety prevent you from doing so. If you’re like me, such a thing may not even be your aim. Indeed, if you’re like most writers I have read who comment on their work, even well-known ones, such a thing was rarely their aim. From my perspective writing is difficult yet fun and fulfilling. And if you have the bug, push through your doubts, self-consciousness, and fears of sounding like a buffoon, and go after it. Along the way, I think the following tips can be helpful. I have gleaned these useful tidbits from reading others who write, so they are not original with me whatsoever.

Process over Product

Most likely we have have experienced somewhere along the way the onslaught of motivational speakers, dress-for-success encouragements, imagining-your-dream talks, and the power of positive thinking. Although I don’t want to rain on any of these parades, I have not approached the writing life through such venues; consequently, I would not encourage people to do so. But let me quickly add, such motivational callings and workshops have never appealed to me. I approach writing simply as an endeavor I want to try, and something I simply desire to do. I never viewed myself as possessing any innate talent, having something more grand to say than anyone else, and for sure never viewed myself as a natural. In fact, writing proved very difficult for me. As I look back on some of the earlier writing I did, it shows to be so sloppy and hackneyed that I’m embarrassed that I ever let anyone read it. So for those who want to pursue some personal goals in writing, I would first say, get into the process of writing. And don’t worry about having a finished product too quickly. I realized early on that when I said I wanted to be a writer, I was more enamored by the final goal of a finished piece than I was actually doing the work of writing. If you simply want to see your name of a book cover, I think you’ll find that such a goal will not work for you. For me personally, being a writer means enjoying writing rather than the final goal of a written piece. If you desire the product over the process of the work, I believe you’ll find that you complete your work too quickly, write sloppily, and do a poor job of checking your work. The more I began to write the short stories and poems I want to self-published, I found myself always pushing back the dates that I wanted to have them appear before the public. I just never feel like something is completely finished. Although such an attitude can prevent you from getting your work out, for the most part I think it’s a good thing that will keep you cautious and prevent you from presenting your work before its time. The writing life is about the work of writing rather than the goal of publishing.

It’s Not All Fun

Although the process of writing is enjoyable and fulfilling for the most part, there are times it is tedious. I fell into the funk just the other day of spending an inordinate amount of time on the finishing lines of a poem I’m writing. But was it really an inordinate amount of time? If I’m focused on the goal of finishing, I suppose it was. If I’m focused on writing the way I want to write, and experiencing that little click in my head that says, that’s it, then it’s not an inordinate amount of time at all. In fact, when it comes to time, I’m fairly certain there are no rules regarding good writing. I have found at times that a poem or a short story will write itself as some people have stated. Yet for me, that’s a rarity. Most of the time I get into a good start on something, and then I hit the proverbial wall. For me personally, the process of writing involves slowly chipping through that wall. Simply put, at times it can feel like a frustrating task when you realize that you have spent four hours on a half page of a short story or two lines of a poem. Yet in the process of writing, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Whether or not anyone else likes what I write, I sure as hell want to like what I write. The most important thing is not to let such slow progress discourage you. To be sure, there are those other times that I have sensed that I’ve been working on a piece for about thirty to forty-five minutes, looked up at the clock, and three or four hours have gone by somewhere. That’s when it’s fun. But get used to the idea that such flow doesn’t occur all the time.

Write  .  .  . Write  .  .  . Write

The process of writing involves just that – writing. I think a good goal is to get something down on paper or the computer screen everyday. Even if you don’t like what you write at first, get it down so that you can rework it. You may find as well that you will chuck every word of it into the trashcan. That’s not a loss; it’s progress. You have discovered what you don’t want, what doesn’t sound good to you, and what doesn’t work personally for you. You might also discover that certain times of the day are better for you to write than others. I tend to like early mornings or late nights when things are quiet and interruptions few. Find your sanctuary in terms of time and place and preserve it for yourself. Don’t answer the phone (it’s probably a telemarketer anyway), don’t check email, and for heaven’s sake, keep the TV and radio OFF. And then go to it: write .  .  . write .  .  . write. Work it, rework it, hone it, cut it, chuck what you don’t like, and bring that baby to life in its own time. Remember the process and don’t rush it. And all your work belongs to you; nobody else owns it, only you. At least that’s the case for the time being.

Read  ,  .  . Read  .  .  . Read

I’m not sure every writer would agree with this tidbit of info. But every writer I’ve read tends to say this. It for sure works for me. If you’re going to write short stories, read as many short stories as you can get your hands on. The same goes for novels and poetry. I mentioned that soon I want to self-publish some poetry. For the last couple of years, I have immersed myself in reading poetry, from the ancients to the moderns. I found that it is important for me to recognize in my reading what I really like, what strikes me and stays with me, and what moves me on an emotional level. Trying to figure out why certain literature strikes me in certain way proves to be allusive most of the time. All I can say is that, I like the way it’s written. Regarding poetry, I might simply say, I like the way it sounds, the way it looks on a page in terms of form, or the way the author uses words. If you want to try your hand at essays, read various collections of essays published across the decades. You may want to try your hand at screenplays or story plots that provide a basis for a screenplay. There are easy and inexpensive ways to obtain books of completed screenplays and story plots. Read them, learn how they are structured, and how they are submitted. Writing is a craft. It is about using words as a tool to communicate ideas and emotions, describe scenes, depict what the eye and the mind experience. Read those who have done it well. Find those authors you personally like, not just the ones your told to like. But also push yourself to read those authors and kinds of writing that you might not easily gravitate toward. Experience all the varieties of writing you can discover and wrap your mind around as much of it as you can.

In addition to reading the various literary forms, read those writers who discuss their craft, those who share their thoughts on their work. I thoroughly enjoy reading a writer who discusses her or his approach to the writing life. There are many ideas to glean from such discussions, and you might find that such thoughts spur your own creative juices. Authors also tend to write books on the craft of writing. Mary Oliver’s, Rules of the Dance and A Poetry Handbook are excellent works on the craft of poetry. I chose those two works because I thoroughly enjoy the poetry of Mary Oliver. Works such as Hemingway on Writing can be useful as well. Writers on writing are excellent sources of ideas and insights into the creative process.

I would also suggest that anyone interested in writing subscribe to a magazine that focuses on the craft of writing. There are numerous publications out there. I personally enjoy The Writer’s Digest. Go to your local bookstore, explore the magazine racks, and find the ones that highlight the craft of writing. Become a voracious reader.

Find a Trusted Eye

I stated above that when you create a piece and bring it to fruition, it is yours and belongs to no one else. Although I stand by that statement, it is likewise true, that once your work is in the public eye, on a certain level, it belongs to readers as well. I think it is extremely important to find at least one person – and it may prove to be just one person – who can read and edit your work for typographical errors that your eye just simply does not catch because you’re so used to knowing what is supposed to be on the page. That same person can edit your as well for clarity and provide input on the clarity of your writing, helping you understand if you are actually saying what you want to say. With the last bit of input, however, I would emphatically state that you have the final word on what you want to say, whether an editor likes it or not. There are some things by which you have to trust your will and gut. For those you ask to read your material, make sure they are trustworthy, and that they are not someone who simply likes to tear things down. Avoid those who fancy themselves as literary critics, and it’s probably a good idea, as well, to avoid literature professors. (My personal apologies to all those profs who work hard teaching literature, and ones from which I benefited in pursuing my master’s degree in lit. But you know who you are out there!). Those who teach creative writing, however, are a good source for feedback.

I think it’s a good idea, as well, to join reading and writing groups to obtain feedback on your work. Likewise, attend writing workshops, knowing that some will be more informative than others. Anything that allows you to obtain feedback, to practice your writing more, and help you gain confidence, not in what others want, but in what you want, is worthwhile.

Conclusion

Most people who like to write will find any avenue they can to practice their writing and get their wares out for the purpose of feedback. Obviously, one of the ways I have as an outlet is this blog. Writing blogs are simple to create, and those who utilize them can place their writings before the public eye on a consistent basis. It is a quick and easy way to obtain feedback from others on your writing. If you work in a professional field, you can also submit written essays and articles to professional journals, which allows you to experience a different genre of writing. For all those who want to write for personal reasons, know that you’re not alone when at times you’re flooded with doubts and thoughts such as, I’m not a writer; who am I fooling? For sure you will not be a writer if you don’t sit down and write. And you may not be a writer if your standard is to have sales that bring you a huge income, recognition that heaps upon you the Poet Laureate, the Pulitzer, and eventually the Nobel Prize in Literature. But if you want to write and think that you might enjoy the process of writing more than the finished product, then, by all means, write. Through the process of writing, finished products will emerge. And I would be lying if I didn’t say that I like it when I receive feedback from readers that they enjoyed what I’ve written.  Doubts and fears may come true. They will for sure be true if you don’t take the risk to write. I say all this as one who is not a recognized writer, will most likely never become a well-known writer, but one who thoroughly enjoys reading and writing. So good luck!!

John V. Jones, Jr., Ph.D./April 14, 2014

GENERAL ESSAY

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven.  – – Ecclesiastes

Introduction

Some years back I remember discovering an old school annual from my senior year in high school that called on me to envision what I hoped to be doing five years after graduation. I couldn’t help but get a chuckle out of what I had written: I hope to have graduated college with an engineering degree, be practicing electrical engineering, and be married with at least two children. It is interesting, indeed, to find such treasures buried in personal stored boxes, unearth them like some archaeological remain, and to reflect upon the history associated with such an artifact.

What’s in a Plan?

Needless to say, countless curve balls assaulted that five-year plan, including that while spending more time in the pool hall than class and navigating several girlfriends, I quickly discovered that not only was engineering not my dream, but also I had few, if any, dreams or goals of my own. So following the sinuous paths of Junior College (Community College for you Gen. X’s and Millennial’s), various and sundry jobs, the Air Force Reserve, numerous relationships, several university major changes, and finally three different degrees, I wound upon a path (or should I say paths), I would have never planned nor envisioned. Nor would I have embarked on such a plan if someone would have laid it out in front of me and told me, this is how it’s going to fall out. For in fact, probably like most life-paths, it doesn’t appear to be a plan at all, but an accumulation of a hodgepodge of tries, failures, confusions, successes, more failures, and more successes, all resulting in a witches brew that we call a life journey.

‘What If‘ Meanderings

I have to admit that I reflect on the notion of what it might have been like if I had done it all right, whatever doing it right entails. [And above all, what it would have been like if I had learned to play a rock guitar like Eric Clapton or Jimmy Page!!] However thoughts about doing it all over again, and then doing it right, tend not to be all that fruitful. Although such meanderings can take on some enjoyable daydreaming at times, if taken too seriously they can lead to nagging doubts, feelings of wasted time, and thoughts of regret. Typically such reflections include notions of never making a mistake, never encountering either mental or moral failings, and being perfectly responsible for every action taken. That’s a nice piece of heaven-on-earth, but back here on earth, it’s not all that helpful because it’s not all that real. As it is anyway, I believe I can say with complete honesty that after all the highs and lows, losses and victories, failures and successes, I’m glad to be exactly where I am at this moment – living, breathing, healthy, and very thankful to be alive.

To Plan or Not to Plan

I’m going to throw this out there, and I hope readers respond to this writing because I am truly interested in your thoughts. To me, there appears to be in life many tensions that we’re always seeking to navigate. One of those tensions involves what I have already somewhat touched on: planning our life journey on the one hand, while, on the other hand, taking life in stride. Like many tensions, I don’t believe it’s an either-or question. And I’m for sure not writing this piece to lecture anyone on how to navigate this or any other tension in life. For one thing, quite frankly I wouldn’t know what to tell anyone, and secondly, even if I thought I had a clue, I wouldn’t offer it as an answer for everyone else. Nonetheless, it’s a navigation that appears to make up our personal endeavors and to be inherent in our human existence.

Shock Therapy & The Fruitlessness of Worry

Based on my own experiences, it appears that if we lean too hard on one side of that tension or the other, we encounter some shock therapy that sends us rebounding to the other side or pole. I know well those times when I have tried much too hard to control life and where it seemed to be taking me. No matter how hard I fought not to be taken there, I ended up there anyway. Other times, I have most definitely had to face the consequences of shoddy planning, lack of preparation, or no planning or preparation whatsoever. Yet with the planning, lack of planning, misfires, and misjudgments, life has shaken out the way it has. If there’s one thing I would have changed, looking back, it would have been not to have worried so much or have been so uptight about how things might fall out. I don’t believe that worrying added a thing to my understanding of how to do this thing called living, except to teach me the fruitlessness of worrying. But then that too is a lesson. Is it not? Alas, the writings of Solomon in Proverbs and the “Preacher” in Ecclesiastes ring loud and clear. Don’t all of our encounters with life come about in ways that, if we choose, we can learn something from them?

Adjusting ‘What If’ to ‘How‘

It seems to me that those if I had done it right meanderings seek to rob us of something valuable in life, although I admit we probably don’t want what that is most of the time. And that of course are those mental mistakes and moral failures. I have come to believe, however, [and it scares the bejabbers out of me to write this sentence] that such mistakes and failures are what life learning is all about. But we must take the opportunity to embrace the learning. The meanderings will most likely not cease for me anyway. Like I said, they can be fun at times. But I’m seriously thinking about altering them from if I had done it right meanderings to how did I get here meanderings. Perhaps such a twist will allow me to take in the whole experience – wins, losses, successes, and failures. So I’m not saying that I want to stop reflecting on my life as past, present, and future. But in so doing, I feel I need to reflect on my life, not some life that could’ve, should’ve, or would’ve been.

Conclusion

The title of this essay is Taking Life in Stride, so that side of the tension most definitely appeals to me. However, I don’t think taking life in stride necessarily negates making and having plans. It’s a tension that merely needs to exist. And in allowing it do so, I hope it likewise allows me stay grounded in the present, to learn what I need from the past while letting go of what I don’t need, and to remain hopeful for the future. No doubt I will make other mistakes and commit moral failings that I can hopefully glean something from that keeps me heading somewhere, even if I don’t exactly know where that is all that time. The wise “Preacher” in Ecclesiastes says it best, in a way that cannot be improved upon:

For there is a proper time and procedure for every delight, though a man’s trouble is heavy upon him  .  .  . No man has authority to restrain the wind with the wind.

Years ago, a 60’s folk singer, Donovan, had a hit song entitled, “Try and Catch the Wind.” The song created this image in my mind of a guy running around an idyllic country scene waving a butterfly net in the air. When asked by someone what he was doing, he replied, I’m trying to catch the wind. Rather than enjoying what was there, the harried individual was seeking to accomplish what was impossible. We simply can’t know when and how things will happen. And it seems to be a human failing that we are constantly trying to know more than we can actually know. So are Solomon’s warnings a charge against planning? I don’t think so. But perhaps they are a charge that we not become too locked into making our plans fall out the way we think they should, come hell or high water. Plans are simply human creations, and there’s nothing wrong with scrapping them rather than hanging on to them with a death grip. As the “Preacher” warns, and as Donovan’s song suggests, empty striving can only lead to further empty striving,  which the “Preacher” aptly sums up as striving after the wind.

John V. Jones, Jr., Ph.D/March 14, 2015

GENERAL ESSAY

Introduction

Last month’s blog article introduced the Contemplative Life and the notion that contemplation and action, rather than being antithetical, are two sides of the same coin. This month I will focus on those areas in people’s lives that might be the target for contemplation and reflection as they prepare to take action to pursue the kind of lives they desire. I will address four areas that are by no means exhaustive in how one might conceptualize contemplation and action. The four areas are: 1) career counseling and guidance; 2) interpersonal relationships; 3) values clarification and spirituality; and 4) life transitions.

Career Counseling & Guidance

The area of work and/or career forms an important value for most of us. Moreover, we are looking for many things from our work or career. I would guess that we most likely would agree with the idea that we want work that aligns with our basic or core values. We desire the kind of career that is satisfying, fulfilling, productive, and meaningful. Career plays a major role in the kind of life we want to carve our for ourselves. But explorations in this area will be unique to each individual who seeks to reflect on the place of work in his or her life. Career can mean a lot of things to different people, so concerns in this areas run the gamut of personal struggles. A person might be so dissatisfied with his work or career path that he is contemplating a major change along that path. Or an individual may like what she does, but would prefer to work in a different setting or environment. Or perhaps a person has run to the end of one career and simply seeks to go in a different direction because such a change will be life-fulfilling. But what direction does he or she want to take? What are the risks of such changes when one considers the importance of finances, maintaining an achieved standard of living, or planning for retirement? Other people may want to transition to the kind of work that allows them to follow their passions, or they may simply want work that provides them with the means to pursue other things more important to them. Exploration of what work means to a person and how work aligns with and allows the individual to tap into his or her values are areas ripe for contemplation and action.

Interpersonal Relationships

Our lives are populated by other people, and being in relationship with them helps us understand ourselves better. Such understanding can enrich our family lives, friendships, co-worker relationships, and even acquaintances. Reflecting on relationships can trigger a multitude of questions for anyone. Some people may desire to enrich particular relationships, or they may want to find ways to build relationships they do not presently have. And some people may want to reflect on how end certain relationships in which they find themselves and build new lives for themselves. Regardless of what people pursue and long for in their lives, their interpersonal relationships will play a major role in their decisions about the kind of life they want to carve out for themselves. Relationships come and go, start and end, or develop and fade away. How we related to others impacts, not only how we construct a fulfilling life for ourselves, but also it informs how we understand our personal identity.

Values Clarification & Spirituality

People seek to have meaningful lives. Living in alignment with what we claim to value is an important core of personal meaning. We claim to hold certain values, but life has a way of throwing curve balls at us that may force us to rethink what we say we value. Particularly in the areas of career, relationships, and the search for a fulfilling life, people may find their values challenged on many levels. Then questions arise: Do I really value what I claim to value? Have I simply inculcated values from others without truly reflecting whether or not they are my values? Can I hold to my values even when life circumstances pressure me to contradict them? I firmly believe that people cannot achieve a meaningful life without settling on what they truly value. That does not mean that values cannot or should not change. In fact, such value changes generate the need for contemplation followed by action that one needs to take in order to live by newly developed values.

For many people values and spirituality are intimately connected. People’s spiritual beliefs provide an avenue for them to find meaning in their day-to-day living. Spirituality may entail religious beliefs, or it may not. But either way, spirituality speaks to that transcendent endeavor that seems to captivate people who are seeking a deeper, richer, more fulfilling life. The contemplative life allows people to reflect on the relationship between their values and spiritual beliefs. Perhaps someone is struggling with what he truly believes religiously and spiritually. Or a person may feel for various reasons that her relationship to her spiritual or religious community is in some kind of jeopardy. Or someone may want to explore what spirituality means to him or her personally. The spiritual disciplines of meditation, prayer, solitude, and simplicity among others can aid in one’s exploration of spirituality and values.

Life Transitions

Much of what has been discussed thus far can fall in the realm of life transitions that people experience. Facing day-to-day life decisions means that we face many transitions in our lives. Such transitions raise various questions. Am I beginning or ending a career path? Am I changing the road I’m on, desiring to head somewhere completely new in my life? Am I seeking to enter a new or exit an old relationship? How am I to deal with getting older, realizing that time doesn’t offer me the wiggle room it used to? How do I face and deal with changes in my life? How do I navigate life struggles and failed opportunities in my life so as to come out the other side stronger and wiser? Life transitions form the raw material for contemplation and necessary action. My deepest hope is that my practice, Contemplations, offers people the safe haven so that they can fully engage those difficult and challenging struggles that make up this journey we call living.

John V. Jones, Jr., Ph.D., LPC-S/February 14, 2015

GENERAL ESSAY

Introduction

More than once, I have been queried regarding the name of this blog, Contemplations, and the name’s association with my work as a counselor. To that end, I wanted, in this article, to offer some reflections on the nature of the contemplative life, and the relation of contemplation to action. We live in a harried life today where, in our culture, action is valued over contemplation. Yet all of us are probably aware of those times we acted with little reflection and then had to experience the consequences of doing so. Contemplation and action go hand-in-hand. Although the contemplative life tends to draw on images of cenobites and anchorites, such an extreme caricature misses the importance of the need for reflection when we make important decisions for our paths in life, as well as minor decisions. Contemplation is not about turning into a recluse and pondering the meaning of life, but never acting on or toward what life brings at us. However, it is about finding a way to calm the storm that can seemingly come at us in this fast-paced and high-tech life of which we are all a part.

My Vision

My vision for Contemplations is that it will become a place that provides time and space for people to slow down the pace of life, step on the brakes, so to say, and take time to reflect on how they truly want to live and shape their lives. Some people may be seeking only small changes in their lives while others are going through major transitions. Perhaps some people need a venue to recoup after a day’s work, or they may need just a few meetings to get away from the daily routines of life. Others may need some extended time to process major changes that are presently occurring or will occur in their lives in the near future. I envision my practice as providing people the place and time to support them while they seek to navigate the sinuous paths their lives may take.

Modalities

As a counselor, I draw on several modalities for working with people. Although I use no one particular theoretical approach in counseling, I work primarily within an existential framework. On a practical level, such an approach means that I work with individuals to explore the many themes that emerge in their lives. Counseling will be tailored to the particular concerns or questions with which individuals are dealing. My work with individuals may entail such foci as career counseling and guidance, values clarification, spirituality, and navigating other transitions in life.

Mindfulness

The contemplative life is largely associated with the practice of mindfulness. However, mindfulness can mean many things. For centuries, people have drawn on what are called the spiritual disciplines as a guide in their navigation to life’s challenges and pleasures. Meditation is one particular discipline, but mindfulness entails much more that meditation. Personally, I like to describe being mindful as becoming aware of things in our lives that might be affecting us that heretofore we have remained unaware. Such things may entail the way we make decisions, deeply held values of which we’re unaware, the way in which our emotions impact us, certain beliefs we hold of which we’re unaware, and the manner in which our interpersonal relationships can influence us. Most importantly, such an approach, while it can draw on spirituality if people so wish to do so, is not necessarily associated with any one spiritual belief system. [For example, although meditation for many people is associated with Eastern Religions, I’m not a Buddhist.] This approach allows people to bring to this work whatever spiritual values they hold, if they choose to draw on those. Or spirituality may not be important to them at all. People can discover how to become aware of things in all areas of their lives. Such awareness provides them with a new angle on life by which to make decisions and shape their lives.

The Harried Life

Mindfulness is just one point under an umbrella of the contemplative life. Contemplation is itself a way of living. From my perspective, our society has lost the richness that comes from slowing down so as to reflect on life. We are a busy society, and while that is not necessarily a bad thing, a thoroughly hyperactive life can rob us of the enrichment that comes with taking time to reflect on how we would prefer to live. Purposely drawing on time to take stock of our lives feels risky. In our society, we are taught to value action. Acting on life is indeed important. But action without reflection can lead us to be tossed here and there by waves of expediency leaving us to feel as if our lives do not rest on a solid footing. The contemplative life does not demand of us to become a troglodyte, but simply asks us to reflect before we act.

Conclusion: Reflection on What?

I want to conclude this article here, leaving readers with an idea of what the contemplative life is and what it is not. Those things that people might reflect on and desire to work through will be the subject of the second part of this essay on contemplation. In Part II of the Contemplative Life, I will focus on those areas that people might explore, completing the vision I have for my work. Such areas include: 1) major transitions in life; 2) values clarification; 3) the influence of certain relationships in which one in engaged; and 4) career counseling and guidance. Part II will explore these areas in more detail. In the meantime, it is important to realize that contemplation and action are not antithetical. They are reciprocal, and involve processes that can aid all of us in our navigation toward the kind of life we desire to live.

John V. Jones, Jr., Ph.D., LPC-S/January 14, 2015

GENERAL ESSAY

Introduction

When one hears the word, Entrepreneur, the world of business automatically comes to mind, as it properly should. Entrepreneurs are those trailblazers engaging high-risk business ventures that most people would leave to the few and the wild. The paths they open up benefit those who follow where they have risked first blood. Although I do not want to minimize how the business entrepreneur, venture capitalist, benefits society –  (true free market entrepreneurs are minimized much too often these days) – in this essay, I would like to expand the concept of entrepreneurship, using it as a metaphor for what I call Entrepreneurial Living. Such a notion calls on us to become entrepreneurs of our own lives, carving out our Life Paths as we pursue a multitude of Life-Long Goals we set and reset for ourselves, perhaps modifying, altering, or revolutionizing them along the way. In the pursuit of such paths, we typically come to realize that in order to succeed in capturing our goals, we need to take stock of our present Personal Skills and Needed Skills, and, all along the way, we need to clarify our Personal Values, which inform what we pursue and how we get there. Any form of entrepreneurship comprises our grasping these concepts for ourselves: Life Paths, Personal Goals, Immediate Goals, Personal Skills, and Needed Skills. I will provide my own take on these concepts in my call to those who wish to do so to embrace the spirit of Entrepreneurial Living. From my perspective, Entrepreneurial Living entails each of us coming to grips with what is of most important in our lives, and how we can pursue what that entails so as to fully engage a life of fulfillment. Such a life will mean something different for each one of us. And what I have to say here is simply my take. Hopefully this perspective can provide some food for thought that people can apply to their own personal contexts.

Life Paths

Life Paths are those roads we travel throughout our lives to accomplish the goals we set for ourselves. They are the many trails we travel to reach our goals. Moreover, Life Paths comprise experiences from which we can learn or fail to learn. Of course, learning from our experiences keeps us on track. But if we fail to learn lessons from our experiences in the moment, we may lose valuable insights that can help us continue to navigate the path we’re on. This is not to say that everything is lost if we fail to learn something important in each and every moment. We can reflect back on our experiences and gain lessons through such reflection. [Such reflection time, by the way, I believe is important to fruitful entrepreneurship. We need to find ways to build such time into our daily activities.] But the hard truth of the matter is that we can, and most likely will, miss opportune moments in our endeavors to learn important lessons. Recognizing this is a learning experience itself. Sometimes we have to grasp the hard truth that we simply missed some important crossroads in our lives. Such an experience brings up another important axiom for fruitful entrepreneurship: Being honest with ourselves when we miss such opportunities. It is a sad fact, I think, that we, as human beings, tend to deny truths about ourselves. Authenticity is an important value to embrace if one seeks to be an entrepreneur of one’s life.

As I stated above, I strongly believe that reflection is an important skill for the entrepreneur. Life Paths contain valuable lessons and information from which we can glean important knowledge that hopefully translates into wisdom for living. They mysterious thing about Life Paths, however, is that most of the time they tend to be on the edge of our awareness. Many times a Life Path is something about which we gain concrete understanding only after reflection. As we get older, hopefully we learn how to more efficiently size up the present situations in which we find ourselves. We become more aware of how to glean lessons from our concrete experiences. Such lessons can be about our selves, others, or the contexts in which we move and live. Lessons can also transform into spiritual or transcendent experiences in that they can help us obtain personal meaning. Reflection work can involve many ways for taking stock of our lives. We can think back on the many paths we traveled, how we got onto them, and how we have arrived where we are at the moment. What put us on a particular path? What have we learned from where and how we have traversed? Did we miss something important at the time? In what ways did the paths we traveled make demands on us? Did we meet those demands, or did we falter? What did we learn about ourselves either way? How do Life Paths illumine our past and present relationships, work, career, personal goals, and personal meaning? Reflection time can help us come to grips with some of these questions. It is important, however, to not get bogged down in mere reflection. In the meantime, life keeps rolling.

Reflection upon and gaining more clarity about our Life Paths can help us make decisions about the paths we have traveled and those that we are yet to traverse. Are we on the path we want to travel? We cannot know the end from the beginning. We cannot obtain promises and guarantees that our paths will turn out the way we want them to. There is much work to be done on our part so as to make the best decisions possible regarding our Life Paths. Beyond that, we simply live day-to-day. 

Personal Goals

Life-Long Goals: Life-Long Goals are those long-term goals we set for ourselves that delineate the objectives and accomplishments we hope to obtain. They can involve family, work, career, leisure, travel, finances, owning a home, planning for retirement, and on and on. Life-Long Goals are typically guided by our Personal Values. We pursue what we count as valuable. To be honest, I have what I consider a mixed-bagged experience with long-term goals. I know people who have settled in on their Life-Long Goals, and have wavered only a few degrees off mark. For me, quite frankly, that has not been the case. No doubt, I set long-term goals for myself, but the paths I have traveled have been many and sinuous, with twist and turns I would have never imagined. The one lesson regarding long-term goals I have gleaned for myself is simply not to stand still. Set the goal, and start moving. It will take you somewhere. How much foundation one sets before moving, how much one plans, and how much one knows before setting sail, are, no doubt, important considerations. Yet such considerations are the very stuff that few, if any, can answer for others. My take is simply this: gather your information, obtain feedback from wise people you trust, make your plans to the best of your ability and to your personal satisfaction. But when you step out onto your journey, it is your path, and it belongs to no one else. People, indeed, move though life without reflecting much on their goals. Although such a take on life doesn’t exactly work for me, what has come to work for me – what I have come to believe – is not to let long-term goals bog me down to the point I don’t move. And also, I have become quite convinced that being aware of when to change or even let go of long-term goals is an important matter that can prevent one for trying to sail a ship that is much too leaky. I believe an important consideration regarding long-term goals is whether or not we let them restrict the way we go about living. In relation to our goals, what do we say to ourselves or about ourselves that may limit, restrict, or impede the way we go about living? I wish I could provide more in terms of what might be considered insight here. But, in my own way of living, I have become much too aware of what I don’t know in comparison to what I do know.

Immediate Goals: It is quite common in most how-to treatises to divide goals into long-term and immediate or short-term goals. [The last thing I want this essay to be is a how-to treatise!] No doubt, immediate goals entail those we set at the moment or for the immediate future to meet certain needs, develop particular skills, or to accomplish certain tasks so that life can go on for us. The threat of immediate-goals is what some call the tyranny of the urgent. [The opposite effect is the fog of the future, whereby long-term plans cloud our judgment regarding immediate goals.] The tyranny of the urgent allows immediate goals to overwhelm us to the point that we lose site of our long-term goals. In distinguishing our long-term from our short-term goals, it is important to know how the latter serves the former. Yet it is important to realize that as we pursue immediate goals, such pursuits can have a rippling effect on our long-term plans. I think it is important to stay open to this reciprocity without bowing to the tyranny of the urgent or getting lost in the fog of the future. Reflection time can be the key here as well: gaining clarification, making necessary changes, or staying the course. The interrelationship of our various goals set the paths we travel.

Becoming clear about Personal Goals means we make decisions with more awareness. Decisions may still be difficult, and we, once again, do not know the end from the beginning. But it is important work for each individual to clear as much fog as possible from around his or her decision-making. The fog will never be totally cleared; there are always risks that go with decisions. But as we become more aware about our Personal Goals, our decisions are more likely to flow smoother from such clarity. 

Personal Skills

Present Skills: If we want to pursue our Life Paths and achieve our Personal Goals, then life demands of us that we possess a set of Personal Skills by which we accomplish this endeavor. Another important avenue of exploration for the entrepreneur of life is to take stock of the present skills he or she in fact possesses. We develop a wide variety of skills of which we may not even be aware merely through our experience of living. People skills, organization skills, physical skills, analytical skills, big-picture skills, attention-to-detail skills, etc. Likewise, there are conceptual skills: thinking, reflection, and meditation skills. All of us who are engaged in living are constantly developing a variety of skills. Those skills to some degree have emerged from what we value, and, in turn, influence what we continue to value, what we pursue, and the goals we set for ourselves. Taking stock of our present skills is an awareness type of work that we can put to use to help our decision making regarding our Life Paths and Personal Goals.

Needed Skills: If it is important to clarify what skills we possess, it is equally important clarify what skills we lack that are needed in pursuit of the goals and paths we have set for ourselves. What skills do we need to develop to accomplish the things we want? How do we even find out what skills we need? Here the important trait of self-honesty comes into play again. What will it take for us to be honest with ourselves about the skills we lack? What will it take for us to reach down into our gut and admit that we do not have certain skills that would be beneficial or totally necessary for us to accomplish in life what we desire? We all possess certain skills, and we all lack important ones to obtain those goals in life that make us reach beyond our present circumstances. Important goals in our lives make us stretch; they lead to personal growth. Growth means, we have to develop.

Gaining clarity on the skills that we possess, as well as the skills we need to develop involves awareness work on our part that clears the paths of obstacles in our Life Paths and to our Personal Goals. Being honest with ourselves, rather than being in denial about the skills we lack will, in the long run, serve us in our pursuit of what we desire from life. Whether or not we like it, to desire something from life requires that we also come to grips with what life requires of us. If I am not honest with myself about the skills I possess and those that I lack, then in navigating my Life Path I will encounter obstacles that could have been avoided through more self-honesty or authenticity.

Personal Values

Values can be distinguished in many ways. Morals, tastes, subjective evaluations, all make up ways that explain how people may come to value things in life or about life. Personal Values drive and lead us down our Life Paths and inform us as we set our Personal Goals. We may value a certain lifestyle – a home, a good job, a family, and success at raising children. We may value a certain level of income, or a steady, secure job. Or we may value freedom and flexibility rather than stability. We may have values that appear to conflict. Can we make them work, or do we need to choose one over the other? And then, what are spiritual values? What part do they play in the way we set our Personal Goals and navigate our Life Path? The entrepreneur of life must take stock once again as to how to approach life so as to live by his or her values. That bothersome personal authenticity raises its head again. When I say I value something, am I being honest with myself? Or have I unthinkingly – unreflectively – inculcated my values from my family, peers, or the social context in which I am immersed? Awareness work is of the essence once again. Once aware of my values, how do they reflect my decisions about relationships, family, work, career, or spirituality?

Becoming clear about what values are our own as opposed to those things we are told or led to value can vastly enhance our decision making regarding Life Paths and Personal Goals. Being clear about what we truly value provides some understanding of what is required to step into a decision. Courage is what allows and leads us to take such steps. Without clear values and an understanding of where we want to head in our lives, courage is hard to come by. Yet courage is most important during those times when we lack clarity – specifically the courage to be honest about such uncertainty. Clarifying values is like any other clarifying work we do. We cannot see what life will bring our way that will challenge, and perhaps, alter our values. We move on what we understand at the moment. Courage helps us put one foot in front of the other as we navigate life, constantly checking our need to clarify our values. 

Conclusion: Entrepreneurial Living

When reflecting on the world of business, where people carve out lives for themselves, the entrepreneur is someone who ventures, takes risks, and faces the unknown. He is someone who realizes that there are no guarantees to his venturing out. She may succeed or she may fail. He has done all he can do to make his path as obstacle-free as possible. But no one person can see or know the end from the beginning. There are always boulders in the path that he or she didn’t count on. There are dead-end trails that come up shorter than anyone hoped or expected. So the entrepreneur has to be flexible and adaptable. The entrepreneur will have to perform a lot of problem-solving along the way and the circumventing of boulders. However, such circumventing cannot be a way of avoiding working through difficulties. Sometimes one merely may have to go through a boulder. The entrepreneur knows that if difficulties are not worked through, they have a way of systematically returning, perhaps being worse on the recycle.

Such a scenario is true of any business venture. But isn’t it also true of living? Entrepreneurial Living is risky, with no guarantees, and no promises for a successful tomorrow. As we set out on our Life Paths, guided by our Personal Values and moving toward our Personal Goals, do we have any guarantees that we will obtain that for which we reach? If we are going to pursue something worthwhile that will bring Personal Meaning to us, then life is going to demand certain things of us, whether we like it or not. And what those demands are, we rarely know until we step out onto the path we desire to travel.

Entrepreneurial Living means coming to grips with the fact that no on can give us a life. We may, indeed, need to ask for help along the way? Most of us do. We may need to lean on someone through tough times. Many of us have and will. And there is value in so doing. But no one can promise us a life anymore than they can give us a set of values and principles by which to live. They can share values and principles, but somewhere along the line of our Life Paths, we have to own either embracing those values and principles for our lives, or rejecting them for an alternative set of values and principles.

Entrepreneurial Living means experiencing, facing, and learning the lessons from successes, setbacks, and failures. Someone has said that the word, failure, needs to cease being a dirty word. I totally agree.  We may fail. We will fail. But we will not succeed until we learn how to learn from failure. Life offers no promises. And life is not always fair. These adages we have heard time and again. But until we face them in the experiential nexus of our own personal living, we truly do not understand what the words mean.

Entrepreneurial Living means stepping into the unknown. What we don’t know is infinitely greater than what we do know. We have to truly, radically accept the notion of our ignorance, and humble ourselves accordingly. Until we accomplish the task of humility, arrogance and hubris will go out before us while time awaits our downfall. [And I write this as a person who has a difficult time with humility.] We will arrogantly assume that we know all that we need to know about living. But life itself will teach us differently. And either we will learn to accommodate the lessons of living, or we will crash and break up by throwing ourselves against them. The entrepreneur of life understands that the unknown is incomprehensible and not necessarily safe.

Although the word, entrepreneur, describes those individuals who carve out a business for themselves, it can also become a epithet for the entrepreneur of life. Entrepreneurial Living reflects what it takes to live a life of personal fulfillment and meaning. Being an entrepreneur is an approach to life, but it is also a stance toward life, where one pursues his passion with all he has in him.

John V. Jones, Ph.D., LPC-S/December 14, 2014

GENERAL ESSAY

There are crimes of passion and there are crimes of logic.

– – Albert Camus

Introduction

Many of you, I’m sure, probably have heard such adages as: Life always appears to be moving between extremes. Or perhaps, you’ve listen to people giving you advice claim: You have to find the balance between the extreme polarities of living.  No doubt, when we reason or reflect on decisions we’ve made, or actions we’ve taken, we tend to think in terms of polarities. Was I too angry? Was I not angry enough. Do I live life too cautiously and avoid risks? Do I take too many risks? Was I acting too rational, or should I have gone with my gut? And the questions seem to never cease. When certain decisions tend to work in our favor, we think we have found the right balance or nodal point on the continua that appear to make up living. We think we have life nailed down only to find out that the next time around, in trying to maintain the proper balance, things don’t work out the same. What is one to do?

Well, quite frankly, I have no idea what one is to do. More specifically, I have little understanding in what I should do from one major decision to the next. No doubt there is such a thing in life called wisdom, but I’m not sure I have the market cornered on that notion. Well, let me retract. I am sure – I don’t have that market cornered. One of my favorite authors I have read over the years is Albert Camus. Now-and-then in interviews, he would talk about his personal anarchy and how troublesome it was for him, yet he never desired to surrender it. So I think I’ll address this topic from a rather radical perspective. I’m going to offer up the point that says: Forget the balance! In fact, trying to figure out how to navigate a continuum can become a problem that impedes the very path one is seeking to navigate. We can get stuck on the continuum rather than doing what we need or want to do.

What are some common continua that people have discussed through the ages? They seem to come up when people want to make decisions, specifically major decisions for one’s life. But I think understanding how certain continua play in our lives involve more that specific decisions. How we think about these polarities we tend to face in living has much to do with how we, in fact, choose to live – to face life. Let’s look at five different continua that people commonly talk about: 1) Rationality or Reason versus Passion or Emotion; 2) Responsibility versus Freedom; 3) Risk versus Security; 4) Relation versus Solitude; and 5) Rebellion versus Conformity. Notice how I used an “R-word” for the first antipode of each polarity? Cool, huh?

Rationality/Reason versus Passion/Emotion

Writers, spiritualists, shamans, and more have discussed this continuum as far back as we can find literature. The wisdom literature of Proverbs has much to say about not letting anger get the best of us. But it likewise discusses the passion of living. The Greeks waxed eloquently on this polarity, and concluded that both are part of life and life’s difficulties, and that both have to be given reign at times. The worship of Apollo as the icon of Reason contrasted with orgiastic rites in the worship of Dionysus epitomized Greek thought on these two apparently opposite ways of taking on life. Everyone knows that navigating life is tricky. Would be that there were formulas for all situations. [However, if there were such formulas, I’m not sure how interesting, exciting, or rich life would be.] Weighing options, obtaining wise input, reflecting on past decisions and actions are all wise and prudent ways to approach life. No one in their right mind would say never consider these approaches in navigating life. Yet we have probably heard others tell us that sometimes we can think too much. Thought can actually impede action. I believe the over use of Reason or Rationality can occur when we demand and expect too much from these two R’s. Reason and Rationality can help us along the way, but can they answer everything we want answered? Perhaps, the problem in our navigating life at times, is that we simply want too much answered before we take a step. Consequently, we don’t step at all. I have definitely heard more than once the input: Sometimes you just have to throw caution to the wind. Such a statement sounds frightening as though we should never think about anything. I believe in the mix of these two polarities, but I have no absolute idea as to what the balance might look like. In my own course of living, I tend to think things through and act or not act. When I want the two R’s to answer all the unknowns before I take on life, then I’m asking too much from them. Of course, the opposite navigation is to hold that reason matters not at all, and to simply move through life acting on one’s gut, feel, or passion. Passion is a wonderful experience. I firmly believe we need it to live a full, enriched life. But we probably all know when we have acted unwisely, or we know people who tend to never think things out or reflect on past experiences in their lives so as to never learn anything. There are times that I have acted on things with little forethought, and it worked out just fine. Other times, not so well. And there are those times that I got stuck in over-think and I did not act at all. Those what-if’s can be nasty stuff, I tell you. Perhaps what we should take from this navigation is not to camp at either end of the pole. Keep navigating. As for the balance. You’re going to have to work that out for yourself.

Responsibility versus Freedom

I sometimes wonder why Responsibility and Freedom are put on a continuum, or why they’re considered a polarity. I tend to agree with the existentialists here that these two so-called antipodes are actually two different sides of the same coin. Where I see it work as a possible polarity in my life, as well as others, is when we want the freedom to choose something – a course of action, a relationship, a major crossroad in life – but we don’t want the consequences if the choice turns sour. This seems, once again, the old desire of wanting all the unknowns made known before we venture into life. I hate to admit it, but there are times that I actually despise the reality that there are unknowns in life. But I also admit that I truly believe that the unknowns are what make life exciting. Life would be truly boring if we were omniscient. [I suppose anyway; I’ve never been omniscient, so I don’t know.] Those golden, but at times painful, opportunities to learn from our mistakes are what we call growth pangs. And isn’t life about growth? Does not our sense of competency and confidence in living come from mastering things that have been difficult for us? Rather than viewing Responsibility and Freedom as a polarity, perhaps we should think of it as a way of living – period. Wanting the freedom to choose, but avoid the consequences that come with the choice is what Sartre called cowardice and bad faith. I also tend to think it’s rather adolescent. However, I don’t want to be too judgmental here, because I succumb to this temptation as well. Perhaps wanting the freedom but not the responsibility is another way of avoiding living all together. I don’t know. If you think you can pull it off, that’s one you’ll have to figure out for yourself as well.

Risk versus Security

This is an interesting continuum, and I particularly see it in the way we depend on powerful people to take care of us. It’s rather like continuing childhood where perhaps parents guarded their offspring against the frightful realities of living. But on an individual level, I think the fear involved in navigating this continuum goes back to the root problem of wanting to have all the answers to life’s dilemma before stepping out to encounter what life has to offer. One of my favorite Robin Williams’ films is The Dead Poet Society. One of the characters in that film, a high-school student, became enamored by a young coed from different high school across town. He decided he believed in the power of poetry, so he risked reading her a poem in her classroom before school started. He read the poem and quickly retreated back to his campus. His friends back at the prep school he attended asked him: Did it work? He shrugged his shoulders and said: I don’t know, but I did it. And the fact that he did it meant everything to him. The weighing of risks may default to the first continuum discussed. Are we asking too much of the two R’s before we risk certain things?  The desire for security is another thing all together. No doubt, we want to navigate life’s obstacles in ways that keep us safe and secure. But one cannot help but ask the question: If I don’t take certain risks, will I achieve the security I desire? And as important: If I do take certain risks, might I lose the security I have? One of the first sentences in M. Scott Peck’s book, The Road Less Traveled, states: Life is a struggle. It appears once again that if we camp at either one of these poles, we might not achieve or accomplish all we want for our lives. Is there a right balance to Risk versus Security? I have no idea of how to answer that question. Individuals appear to possess a vast difference as to how risk-embracing or how risk-avoidant they are. And then, there are most likely specific times in all our lives that we are called to be one or the other. You have to answer your own call on that one.

Relation versus Solitude

Throughout the history of literature, particular spiritual literature, solitude is considered a discipline. It is a time to reflect, slow things down, focus our attention, or relax our harried lives. Yet I know people who are literally frightened beyond the pale of spending time alone. We probably all know those individuals who define their lives, indeed define themselves, by the relationships they engage. [P.S. I’ve been there; don’t want to go back.] As well, we may know people who view their lives as miserable if they are not in an intimate relationship. Hence, they bounce from one intimacy to another. I believe our culture, today, does not value solitude, and in fact, grossly misunderstands it. So it would be easy for me to value one end of this continuum. I want to avoid that misperception. But think about the way our culture views so-called extraverts and introverts. Introverts tend to feel that something is wrong with them. They understand that they don’t make sense of life the same way as extraverts do. Sometimes they may be viewed as stuck-up or snobbish. This is particularly the case when introverts are shy. [Not all introverts are shy; the two concepts should not be equated.] They are told: You need to be more outgoing. Don’t be so quiet. Get out and meet people. Stand up for yourself. The gregarious and the ones who are the life of the party tend to be valued in our culture. Several excellent works have been written on this subject. The Party of One: A Loner’s Manifesto by Anneli Rufus addresses her struggles as one who valued being alone most of the time throughout her life. Susan Cain’s Quiet speaks to similar concerns of being an introvert in a society that values extraversion. And Diane Senechal discusses the problem of group think in the schools in her work The Republic of Noise. I truly believe that solitude is a lost art. I am naturally a loner, and have experienced the misperceptions due to that fact. One of my favorite TV dramas is Criminal Minds. I always have to smile, when the serial killer they are chasing each week is described as a “loner”. Loners, know you’re misunderstood on so many levels. However, I also realize that people can use the notion of solitude to avoid connectedness. I, in fact, tend to do just this. Solitude should help us, as stated above, reflect, slow down, come to a greater sense of who we are as individuals, which should, in turn, enhance, not impede, our connectedness. No doubt, we learn much about ourselves through relationships, and we are left much less enriched if we don’t have close friends and people to whom we can turn in time of need, or people with whom we simply spend time. The caution, once again is to not camp at either pole. I know many gregarious individuals. Some know a multitude of people, but they do not know and are not known by anyone. And I know those who would use their solitude because they do not want to risk relationships, particularly close, intimate ones. Where’s the balance? I have absolutely no idea. You have to walk that road on your own.

Rebellion versus Conformity

As said, one of my favorite authors is Albert Camus. Camus was an interesting individual to say the least. He was the icon of James Dean cool in the 1950’s. He, unfortunately, died in a car crash at the age of 47 in 1960. Until that time, he had been a prolific writer and playwright. Rebellion appeared to be his middle name or nickname. His collected work of essays, entitled Resistance, Rebellion, & Death, and his book The Rebel, addressed many of his philosophical positions on what it meant to be a rebel. His was no romanticized viewed. He strongly believed in the destructive power of conformity, what Nietzsche would call the herd-mentality. But his view of rebellion was not an adolescent view of rebelliousness for the sake of rebellion. He believed that inherent in life and the people we encounter in life lies the overwhelming coercion to conform, on some level. And, from his perspective, conformity on any level, must be questioned. To align with social values while one has thought through and understands with what one is in alignment is one thing. But to align without question, is another thing all together. Personally, for me this is not merely a polarity for which integration must be found. Rebellion versus Conformity is a legitimate struggle in life from my perspective. Conformity is the life-canceling end of this polarity. We do not own our lives if we conform without question. And today, we live in what I perceive as a highly conformist society. It tickles me silly at times to hear how our society is called an individualist one. Wish to heaven that it was. But rebellion is an individual act. It’s a mistake to view it as a social or collective act. Collectivism of any form is conformity. It is the herd mentality. Each of us must consider how life asks and pressures us to conform, and how rebellion will play a vital part of the way we carve out our own paths for living. I tend to favor Rebellion on this so-called continuum. However, becoming rebellious for the sake of rebellion is just another way of conforming. Our Rebellion is a personal act. This is one of the most interesting continuums to me because I believe that we can easily slip or drift into conformity without realizing it. Is there a balance? I personally don’t believe so. In what ways might you need to rebel so as to claim your life as your own? That’s a path you have to cut for yourself.

Conclusion

Five continuums or sets of polarities present themselves to us, it seems, in our navigation of living. I’ve heard people speak of balance, integration, resolve, etc. I have no idea what any of that may look like for others. I have a difficult enough time trying to figure out what it looks like for me. Perhaps, a caution is to avoid camping on either end of the so-called polarities, if indeed they are polarities at all. Perhaps the notion of polarities or continua are nothing more than an interpretive grid we place over our quests to make sense of living. They do appear to present themselves as various ways of navigating life. That navigation falls in the purview of each one of us. Your life is yours to navigate. Navigate well, my friend. On this side of living, it’s the only life you have. [As far as I understand.]

John V. Jones, Jr., Ph.D, LPC-S/November 14, 2014

GENERAL ESSAY

I suppose that since I’ve entered that segment of life that the institution for which I work designates as, “Phased-Retirement”, I might be accused by some as having too much time on my hands. These thoughts I set forth here are indeed a product of that free gratis that I like to call, “time for reflection.”

Only six weeks have passed since my new phase kicked off, and already I have to say – I love it! Not because I like not going to work. I actually love teaching at the university level. But more so because the time has allowed me breathing space for reading, traveling, exploring various ideas and other avenues for fulfillment – all those things that work and a savings account can create for someone. Now with these degrees of freedom, I’m truly faced with those sweet existential plumbs known as, “choices.” The feeling is one of having new paths thrown open before me. One might call them beginnings. And beginnings have always excited me. These fresh choices of new beginnings have helped me realize something else that I tend, unfortunately, to forget much too often.

Life is a gift. And it’s one I believe that we need to delve into it with everything we’ve got, however we define that for ourselves. We are here; then we are not. Whatever one may believe transpires afterwards, this space-time reality we’re in right now is the one we have – for right now. I can’t help but wonder what I’m called to do with this time.

But there’s another side. How many countless millions of people face circumstances in which it’s hard for them to fathom life as a gift? They see no place that life can take them; nor do they have a view of a future where there might be possibilities for delving full-throttle into life. They exist now in places all over the world where oppression, disease, and death are the rule rather than the exception. History is replete with their horrifying stories from Gulags and genocides to famine and starvation. There “choices” are about mere survival. And then there are those who have faced such horrifying circumstances, yet emerge from them with a full-blown belief that life, yes, indeed, is a gift. It seems sometimes that those who have experienced the darkest of times can emerge from that darkness with the view that life is worth all the choices we can muster. Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, Viktor Frankl, Elie Wiesel come to mind as examples of those who garnered strength from shattered circumstances. There are many others, and their stories have been told. I remember a line from the movie, Doctor Zhivago, uttered by Julie Christie’s character, Lara: “This is such a terrible time to be alive.” My present circumstances, to be quite frank, are easy. I do not live in what I perceive to be terrible times. Yet harsh realities are all around: terrorism, war, Ebola, an economy on the edge of an abyss. Situations can change in the blink-of-an-eye. Yet it doesn’t take catastrophes for me to easily forget the gift of life. Taking life for granted is a human flaw. I hope that my present circumstances, blessed as they are, do not blind me to the fact I must take hold of the advantages I have to obtain the kind of life I want for myself. Given human nature, blessings can lead to complacency. And wrapped in complacency, I can let slip by, unnoticed, all the incredible opportunities and amazing paths for discovery and experience that life has to offer. It’s an easy thing to do. Complacency is an easy chair that beckons lazy bones.

Time compresses the living. It seeks to teach us that it always surges forward. It doesn’t pause, stop, nor turn back. At first it seems unending, wide, broad, flexible, and deep. But then it begins to bear down on one with the question: How much of it do I have left? It’s not a question that anyone can answer, so I’m not sure that it’s one worth asking. What is worthwhile is the pursuit of life and all that it has to offer and throw at us. Time compresses the living always. We just don’t notice time until something makes us notice it. The full engagement of life is as important for an eighteen-year-old as it is for me at sixty-seven years old. Time bears down. One day we turn around and it slaps us in the face with the raw fact that it always has been working that way. While time is never-ending, on this side of time, we are not. If we are blessed with having “choices”, we had better look into what it means to make the best of them.

What do you want to do with your life? What dreams do you hold that set your soul ablaze when you think about them? What values do you hold to your core that you want to define you by the way you live them out? What wild ideas do you have that you would love to take hold of and race after, even when everyone else might be saying, take caution? Caution, advice, and wise counsel are necessary things for living. But take care that words of so-called wisdom come not from those who kill dreams. The killers of the dream are all around us. Sound wisdom helps us discern those we can trust from those we can’t when it comes to seeking help with our life decisions. But at the crossroads of living, the choice of which road to take belongs to each one of us alone.

Life is a gift. Step into it as one. And discover all it has to offer you. If you are blessed with having choices, seize them, weigh them, and then make them. And never stop learning from them. The gift of life is what you have now. All that lays before you are your choices to make of it what you will.

I suppose that at this phase of my life, such thoughts as these emerge from that pull that calls me to reflect on the signposts that have marked my paths. But to reflect on what kind of life you want for yourself is worthwhile at any phase of life.

Meanwhile, time bears down.

John V. Jones, Jr. Ph.D., LPC-S/October 14, 2014

GENERAL ESSAY

Introduction

Last month’s (07/14/14) Post on my blog, Contemplations, marked the end of my first year of blogging for this site. My first year as a blogger passed almost without notice until I realized that with “The Edge of Existence”, the number of blogs had totaled to twelve. Consequently, I’ve been racking my brain over what to write to inaugurate my second year of blogging for Contemplations. Only a few months ago, I changed the subtitle of my blog from, The Center for Existential Psychotherapy to The Art and Skill of Living. Since I altered the name of the blog, I’ve been pondering what the change means as far as any new directions the blog might take. Thus far, I haven’t come to any concrete decisions. So! I thought I would kick-off my second year of blogging by doing just that, pondering. Well, not exactly, but elaborate a bit more about what the future might hold for this blog. I thought at first, I would entitle my blog, “What the Future Holds.” But such a title sounds rather presumptuous. And, quite frankly, I don’t know what the future holds. The title sounds like some kind of prophecy. So here I sit, pondering the directions this blog might travel, so forgive my meandering thoughts as I talk about some of the things I think I might want to do over the next year. Of course, tomorrow is another day. (Anybody know that movie? Hint: Vivian Lee.)

Life Outside of Therapy

The first thing to probably logically consider is the change of subtitle to, The Art and Skill of Living. The major change the subtitle brings to this blog is that it takes the website out of a therapy setting, and broadens its scope for topics by placing it beneath a larger umbrella. One of the reasons that I think this happened in my thinking is that my life has now moved into what the University I work for designates as, “Phased Retirement”. I’m blessed and fortunate, at this time, to be in a position that I have more options available to me than the workaday world of academia, teaching, and a part-time private practice. There are other things in which I’m interested. One thing that this time of my life has done for me is present itself with the excitement of new avenues to explore, skills to develop, and opportunities of which to take advantage. Another thing that this phase of life has shown me is how over the years, I’ve rather compartmentalized my life around my career, believing that my focus, interests, and desires should be thrown totally in my work as a professor and a part-time counselor. Something inside me always raised its antennae at times, telling me I really didn’t want to live like that. But now I realize how much my life has revolved around teaching, therapy, and ideas associated with that world. I’m thankful for the choices I made toward a career, realizing decades ago that I wanted to teach at the university level. It has been a good life, and the world of counseling will always be with me on some level. But there are other roads out there. I’m ready to get my motor running and head out on the highway. (Anybody know that song? Hint: Hermann Hesse.)

The World of Ideas

One of the reasons I wanted to teach at the university level is that for a number of years, the world of ideas has always drawn my interests. I thought that being in a university would be the perfect setting to explore ideas around people interested in the same thing. Much of that is true; some of it, however, unfortunately, is not. The university has its bureaucracies and hierarchy like any other institution. And requirements like publishing articles, training counseling students, staying on top of info so that it doesn’t become dated and stale, are just part of the work. And teaching in a graduate counseling program, almost by necessity, frames the ideas with which I would be, for the most part, involved. I also realize that, like any setting, one has to make of it what one can, and not let it dictate one’s life totally. Sometimes I was good at that; other times, not. But over the years, I was able to read from other fields besides counseling, and the therapeutic world lends itself to the exploration of the history of thought and philosophy. Having obtained a master’s degree in literature, I kept one foot in that field as well. But now, I have open before me the possibility of exploring various fields, writings, endeavors, and ideas. I am particularly interested in how ideas impact people in a way that places them on their paths of living. What are the ideas that people live by? What ideas do people hold with passion? How do people draw on their life experiences and beliefs to make decisions, minor and major, for their lives? These are some of the avenues that I envision as a possibility for exploration in my life, and hopefully, to some extent on the blog for my readers. I strongly believe the old adage, “Ideas have Consequences.” So I hope to expand the doors of my perception and see where the road takes me. (Doors of Perception: Anybody know the poet from whom that came? Hint: It’s not Jim Morrison or Aldus Huxley.)

Anarchism

One of my favorite writers is the old anarchist, Albert Jay Nock. I have definitely more than leaned toward anarchism the last few years. (Shhhhh! Don’t tell anyone.) But Nock wrote an autobiography that he called, Memoirs of a Superfluous Man. Speaking about the world of ideas and how they influence one’s living, I have to say that Nock’s work is one of the most enjoyable reads I have ever undertaken. There are many battles I have fought over the years, with other people and inside myself. These conflicts have various battlegrounds – academia, church settings, political discussions, conversations about the arts, and more. The road I’m on now, and one on which I hope to stay the course, is away from, letting go, unhooking from – however one may want to characterize it – those battles and chiefly the traps into which I tended to fall regarding them. It’s not that I don’t think that the ideas associated with and the content that formed those conflicts are unimportant. On the contrary. But sometimes the fighting, both external and internal, took my eye off simply living my life out the way I want to. So I have decided along with Nock, to live superfluously. That means, in other words, living my life regardless of how others might frame, interpret, critique, or moralize about it. Such a letting-go process is not easy. And it’s a process that I’ve been engaged with for a number of years now. So it’s becoming easier. In all the arenas I mentioned, I believe we are at a crisis moment. Quite frankly, I think we’re in for some dark times ahead of us. And I think we’re all going to have to find our way of relating to those with whom we disagree, and carving our paths regardless of how others might view us. That’s never an easy task, but one I think life calls us to do. I would get into what I mean by “dark times”, but such prognostication would take the blog off track and spoil its otherwise lightheartedness. So for now, no reason to get excited. (Anybody know the song that line came from? Hint: Jimi Hendrix did not write the song.)

The Arts

I don’t consider myself an artist. I wish I could on rather a selfish note. A couple of years ago, I self-published, under the name, V. Jones,  a book of short stories called, Echoes. No one is knocking down the door to get to it. But that’s okay. I hope this fall, speaking of new avenues, to publish a book of poetry. Nonetheless, I thoroughly enjoy the arts – cinema, literature, music, painting, photography, and all that one can experience. So one of the roads I want to take, given the new time I have on my hands, is the exploration of the arts, perhaps reaching for amateur-status in an area, and writing about ideas behind the creativity that artists experience. Several of my blogs have already covered topics of authors who have impacted me, books that have shaped my worldview, and reviews of books I think are important reads right now. I want to continue those endeavors, and open up possibilities for me there as well. By the way, regarding my forthcoming poetry, I stumbled across an interesting quote from a great poet that gives me some hope: “Minor poets emulate; great poets steal.” Nothing wrong with aspiring to greatness. (Anybody know which poet said that? Hint: He wrote a poem that was a famous Lovesong.)

Traveling

Everyone who retires says, “I want to travel more.” Well, I want to travel more. It’s not that academia didn’t afford me the time and support to travel to workshops, conferences, and more. I’ve visited from Palm Springs, CA to Cape Cod, and places in between, lived in the Midwest for five years, and had a seventeen-day stay in Italy and Sicily. But there’s more I want to do. And on top of that, I want to write about it, of course. Visiting and learning about new places is always an exciting way to broaden one’s perspective, for sure. There are trips I would love to do that make up my bucket list, such as, The Cross-Continental Train Ride across Canada, a visit to the Painted Desert, Petrified Forest, and Grand Canyon. So bucket lists are definitely part of this phase of life. I’ve spent many years living in the world of ideas. And the one thing I don’t want to happen is to live life in an abstraction. The concrete highway is where I want to feel my feet. So I’m looking forward to this phase of life I’ve entered, all that it will bring, and how any of that might show up on this blog. So I’m going to get my motor running. (I’ve come full circle, and back to that one. Anybody figure it out yet?)  Full circle means it’s time to conclude this essay.

Conclusion

Not bad, for a meandering essay, when I had no idea what this month’s blog would be about. Call it an accidental celebration of a year anniversary. But I hope readers who cross its page will find food for thought, but more than anything, find some enjoyment, and a few chuckles as well. Here’s to the second year of blogging. (And that’s not from a poem, a song, nor a movie.)

John V. Jones, Jr, Ph.D., LPC-S /August 14, 2014

General Essay